bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №88890
 26.10.2013
My daughter is 4 years old, very much wants a pet, but we still resist. Today I asked “Mom, can I have a rabbit when you die?”

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №88889
 26.10.2013
Books and amins.
It is not a matter of profession, it is a matter of people. If you are an expert in your business, you deserve respect.
I have been engaged in yellow program and small admin for 15 years. During this time, the real accountants met a man ten, well twenty from power. People who are really good at accounting. The majority are not accountants, but operators 1C.
The task most often looks like this:
Make me right.
How is it right?
I don’t know, but it’s wrong now. You’re a programmer and you need to know.
Here it turns out that I am now not only a programmer, but also perfectly understand tax legislation, alcohol declarations, tax accounting of non-state pension funds, etc.
Paying the VAT? It is easy! Calculate the warranty on the stock option on the diesel fuel supply futures is easy! To figure out and calculate the value of three enterprises with complex property rights, mutually owned each other, to calculate dividend payments and taxes from them, including from foreign - I am a programmer, I know this! And I really can. is coming

[ + 27 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №88888
 26.10.2013
My acquaintance with the 8 wheel started with the fact that I took it off and put a 7 wheel.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №88887
 26.10.2013
I read the quotes, under which a lot of comments, and a request to the administration matured:

Guys, either prohibit moderators from skipping this, or make a comment tape. I have to repeat these quotes...

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №88886
 26.10.2013
BLZZZ: Real senses are cats. Because this cattle can predict with 100% accuracy where you will go the next moment. Moreover, she will be able to guess which foot you are going to take to jump under her!! to

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №88885
 26.10.2013
If you cook vegans in vegetables, will such food be considered ethical?
yyy: if this vegan is a Jew, she will also be considered a kosher))))

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №88884
 26.10.2013
From Habr:

Nikosid: Recently in the series Person of Interest, about in the second part of the second season, I saw a moment when the hacker was hacked and he realized it in time. The hacker picked up the password for the battery on his notebook and it exploded in a few seconds.

ve1m: You had to pick up the password to the display and the cover on his fingers, on his fingers!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №88883
 26.10.2013
xxx: mmm, as I imagine it...in strings and with a necklace on the neck...))
YYY: Oh, but not at night. Wait, or I just eat a banana.

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №88882
 26.10.2013
So it turned out that in our office one department is purely female, and the other is purely male.
Men sometimes look at tea and coffee in our kitchen.
By default, in order to drink tea with us, they have to bring something to the table (tea, sugar, cookies).
One here such a sluggish walked a week on the hole, like "forgot, tomorrow I will bring".

In this regard, we had such a conversation (without men) at tea.

- No more Vase tea to pour, - said a 60 year old aunt
- if only for Kunni...lingus, - a girl over 35, famous for her sharp language, entered the dialogue;
For everyone!! (Ton Eugenia Morgunova from "Operation Y" spoken by the chief)

My friend, we did our work day.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №88881
 26.10.2013
I have a problem with gentleness.
This is bag. Bags are treated with patches.
Jan: If you patch regularly, you can start compiling small programs for nine months, which then require lifelong support. :D

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №88880
 26.10.2013
5 copies
A woman raised by her husband, deprived of sex for a couple of months

Check if you are taking antibiotics.
The reason may be banal SPP.

It is not a sin to check.
He has stumbled, grabbed and then accused you of all your sins.


[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №88879
 26.10.2013
I.Market, a review of the headphones:

The Dignity:
1st Good music recorded in the style of Lo-Fi, as well as dark ambient.
2nd Successfully imitate the feelings of deep-water dives.
Three In the woods prevent the penetration of enemy landings in the face of mosquitoes, ants, sardines in your ears (as long as you sleep on the grass).
4 is At any time you can give them to the first person you meet without feeling regret and sadness.
5 is You can beat the rhythms on the wires with your fingers in the tact of the melody, and with high skill and many other virtuous things will surprise people.
6 is On the internet sounds better than in reality, especially when you read reviews about them.
The shortcomings:
1st Sometimes you feel like the sound has improved, but then you remember that you have been using other headphones for 8 years.
2nd In them you find yourself inside a small room, without windows and doors, surrounded by a wreath. Music comes from the neighboring room.
Three It happens that you accidentally press a pause, and you are surprised to hear a really high-quality sound around you.
4 is The headphones are so close to the brain that they paralyze its work and give a false idea of the real, undistorted Sound.
6 is Unintentionally, when walking and head movements are added completely new, fantastic sounds, but do not fit in the musical game.
5 is In reality it sounds worse than on the internet.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №88878
 26.10.2013
Wife and husband: Dear man! Our Serozhenko was asked 5 times to re-read this fairy tale (give a book), you have a task, read it out loud 5 times, before going to bed.
Husband: (reads loudly) Zili, Zili, Zili, Zili, Zili
were, were, were, were, were

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №88877
 26.10.2013
Two six-year-olds in the bus: “Imagine, the teacher at the class today told us: ‘Who will make a noise, is a fool!’” Have you ever heard teachers say this?

[ + 18 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №88876
 26.10.2013
Who is in favor of being able to register here and add quotes to the selected?

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №88875
 26.10.2013
xxx> pony to pony
yyy> Poor Pony
xxx> so it got a lot.
yyy> and the loose for what?

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №88874
 26.10.2013
I watch the current user session - there I...
A small trembling...
I ask you, girl, what is your password?
The girl answers me and calls me MY!!! The Password!! 12 characters, numbers, letters, special symbols.
I am humiliated and insulted.

= = = is = is = is = is = is

Man, quickly drag her to the ZAGS (or just live to yourself). It is destiny.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №88873
 26.10.2013
He brought me a book of recipes and listed those I needed to learn how to cook.
And I bought Kam-Sutra... I sit, I note)

c) VK

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №88872
 26.10.2013
While my wife was on a business trip, I upgraded my iPad to iOS 7. Upon returning, the wife asked me which of my asses I had cut out for a new toy and where I was doing old things. Informed about the update, I heard in response:
Is it just a new window?
And you know what? My world remained the same, I did not make a handcuff, did not struggle in hysteria, did not shine with intelligence... To a man far from gadget interests, I simply replied in a language understandable to him:
Well, you can say that...

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №88871
 26.10.2013
Boss: Our customers are old brainless pearls, so they need to be treated with respect and understanding

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna