bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №89802
 16.11.2013
In fact, Bismarck spoke about Russia with great respect, and Darwin was not atheist at all.

But to understand this, you need to read the primary sources, not the collection of aforisms. Or at least the biographies of the series.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №89801
 16.11.2013
Doddy: What for you "the trader knocks on the wheels", for someone "a sound defectoscopy procedure to detect the presence of microcracks";

[ + 66 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №89800
 16.11.2013
A man in Ancient Rome enters a bar, raises two fingers and says:
I have five beers, please.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №89799
 16.11.2013
How angry I am when the two colleagues sitting next to the phone go somewhere. Just focus on programming, half write some difficult condition as the phone starts ringing. While you talk, you come back and the character has already been killed.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №89798
 16.11.2013
Here is this:
Boy: We all (nearly all) go home from work/offices in the evening.
We all want to get there with a minimum of time.
In order to realize these golden dreams and get to the fast, you need at least not to be vegetables to drive aggressively, and the maximum - to violate the PDD.
So here are friends: who do you feel in such moments: a hero or a villain?

Girl: At such moments, I get out of the barbecue red panty and put it on the jeans, open the side window, pull out my left hand compressed in my fist and kick, feeling like a superman.
__________________
In order to get there as quickly as possible, you need to drive humanly within the rules. Ideally with minimal restructuring. Pure "Laminar flow" - the rules will apply not only to the liquid, but also to any other flow, including fluid. The car. And if you drive aggressively and violate the PDD, you can lose hours, and so on, 5 waiting for the GIBDD crew to file the accident.
Well, on the go: with aggressive driving you win (if you win) 3-5 minutes on 30 minutes of journey (this is the maximum). Believe someone who has checked it all on their own car.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №89797
 16.11.2013
Duty #12782 — Thoughts about the beauty of nails
Stupid, for such as you, there is a bunch of system blocks with convex buttons, a huge selection of toilets with twisting buttons "euro" and roofs with them, carcasses that fold with a book at the back of your legs and forgive men's tampons with applicators, which are just mooore and nothing to touch with your hands!
But you are so busy with the self-love of your person that beyond your nose, more precisely your nails, you can see nothing!


[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №89796
 16.11.2013
and horror. Instructions that come to the school from the administration in Peter:
In a bad relationship with a child, understand.
- prepare an example list of young teachers gathering in the decree.
A month and a half before the New Year, make a report on which New Year's Tree children will attend.
Ask your parents if they are disabled.
There is a complaint that the teacher is not dressed well.
...

by Kabbe.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №89795
 16.11.2013
aaa: Here all the Russian post barrel rolls, say no figs work. I bought a 2nd suitcase on the 6th! They were delivered to me on the 15th morning. From Korea to Sochi in 9 days!
BBB: I think the director of the Russian Post with his bowl on the bubble struck that your suitcases will not fit for anything in 10 days)))
AAA : AAA! Well then everything is fine, or the pattern broke!))

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №89794
 16.11.2013
No, you do not understand!
I go out of the apartment to the entrance - there is a crowd, and Heidi Klum announces that those who win the salad contest will be given a supermarket. And here we, Nastia and some vanilla, in the first team with three salads, go down in the elevator. Suddenly, a loud communication announces an additional condition - there should not be an olive, and we have one salad - just an olive. We find a simple recipe from strawberries and coloured cabbage, allegedly all this can be groomed out of the house, but what to do? Per Fairy - it will be beautiful, but suddenly they will try? The elevator runs up to the 1st floor and here the alarm calls.
Well, dish yourself – how could I get up! I will take the team!!! to

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №89793
 16.11.2013
This is how it happens...
You will meet at distant relatives at the celebration a cute girl-mates.
At the next celebration, she is already married and with a pulse.
Then you meet her, and she is already a single mother with a three-year-old daughter.
So you will see in people life boils, there, here, moves...
And as you have studied in the universe, you are studying, you are rattling, and you do not even think about family and anything else.
Is life going by, or is it too smart?

[ + 29 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №89792
 16.11.2013
Matt: Well, upset ''this is your new linoleum gamma, win98 forev' I am not stuck because of age, and the outcry ''this is your new chr gamma, linoleum forev' I remember
Matt: Cry ''this is your new view of gamma, hr forev' I remember clearly
Matt: Then there was ''this is your new seven''...
Matt: I’m just trying to imagine what kind of hell horror Microsoft is supposed to release so that we can scream ''Return our native eight!1''

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №89791
 16.11.2013
Here is this:
...
yyy: dear, the normal SUV is folded by the one who entered it

He made such a spell:

Why is the body of a foreigner so easy to remember?
This is for passive safety – the energy of the impact is extinguished by deformation of the body.
What about passive safety of cars?
- Yes, the same way: the impact energy is extinguished due to the deformation of the body of the outer mark :)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №89790
 16.11.2013
Olympic machines in the Moscow metro (one ticket for 30 seats)

Let’s see what our people have stronger: laziness or greed.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №89789
 16.11.2013
XXX: with this Olympic torch on TV, also broke
xxx: already in space it was launched, and dropped under water... I have the feeling that I am dying the lives of psychiatric patients on TV. Even the organizers would put him in one place.
xxx: and how much money was spent on it, the children’s homes of the whole country would probably be enough for a year.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №89788
 16.11.2013
Talk to the employer about the desired website. End of Dialogue

Should the slider be?
What is a slider?
There should be no slider.
I: And the logo is like the animation?
Client: Yes such
I: Well on freelance I wrote 10,000 rubles and the deadline of a week, so it remains
Thank you, but I’m interested in your offer, but only halfway.
I: explain it
It’s transparent, I don’t see any sense.
I: I don’t understand how it interests, but only half?
Thank you, further dialogue is inappropriate
I am OK. I wanted to write the same thing for a long time.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №89787
 16.11.2013
xxx: The most privileged person in the hospital is a person with a breastfed child who was registered to ask only if he could get the results of the tests needed for the commission.
Even Gandalf will surrender.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №89786
 16.11.2013
The Odessa film studio will film remake of the most popular films – “Wizards”, “Green Furgon”, “The Liberation of Odessa” and “Adventures of Electronics”.

and Nina! Think of something new, yours.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №89785
 16.11.2013
I work in the same room with the man who taught the varan to the pot.
I told him that he could now dare to marry.
Anne doesn’t, instead, she teaches the varan to sit on his back legs.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY and fast)

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №89784
 16.11.2013
xxx: and all the fucking soul shit is that everyone is sure that his slave religion is the most correct :)

[ + 61 - ] Comment quote №89783
 16.11.2013
Vasich: I recently traveled here from Karelia to Moscow with a choir of grandmothers.A man is twenty, two of whom are harmonists. Scuco Dembel asked the grandmother to be quieter.

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