bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №112418
 21.04.2015
XXX: The Trojan Goat
YYU: In fact, it was a horse.
XXX: In fact, Trojansky is a deacon.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №112417
 21.04.2015
In the neighbouring Field of Miracles, as the experienced Buratins say, the soldo always grows thicker.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №112416
 21.04.2015
What kind of children are you raising? Among my friends (maybe because I chose to be friends with suitable people with whom I am interested?) By 9th grade, almost everyone already knew where they were going to go and did this closely. The methods of contraception and the consequences of sex were known personally. And no pregnancies at 16 and marriages at 20. I worked and studied myself from the age of 15 to rent a house with a friend for a couple. And, the horror, lived a sexual life. Married at 24 and children are not even in plans yet, we understand that we will not push.
But there were other examples. Those for whom mothers entered the institute, who under the threat of the death penalty were prohibited from communicating with the opposite sex, whose parents almost fainted with the words "monthly" and "condoms". Yes there. One such to 17 had 3 abortions in semi-dival clinics (and a bunch of related problems), another to 20 two divorces, the third two children and eternal scandals with his beloved wife.
Stop developing irresponsibility and infantility in your children. Treat them like adults and you won’t believe they’ll grow up.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №112415
 21.04.2015
I have a friend, a very clever guy. Well, in general, he was sent five false 200 hryvnia notes one day. And he wanted to somehow get the money back, but to fool other people, like himself, he did not want to. The way out was found by itself when he was stopped by the haishniks... in short, he poured all the false bubble to the gaiters for bribes)

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №112414
 21.04.2015
Status should be in society, not in social networks! He wrote some Anatoly and bought likes for 5 thousand.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №112413
 21.04.2015
-
The body at 16 has been formed, and the head has not yet matured in most + transitional age
-
Your head is not mature. Because of those like you, we get 19-year-old kids who are going everywhere with their mom ahead. Absolutely not independent, who do not have their own opinion, who cannot even say two words for themselves! Because: “Well, he’s still 16 years old, he’s still a child, I’ll do anything for him.” Then the same at 17, at 18 and so on. And why? Yes, because man does not know the words "responsibility" and "independence" at all, he is considered an eternal child and does everything for him. At the age of 16, you are not a person telling him, you grow up - then you will talk!
And it is such old children will have unplanned pregnancies and chaos in their heads! (I have a friend who has been pregnant for 28 years with the words "and I generally thought I couldn’t". The doctor has never been there.)

A 16-year-old is a fully decorated personality and only your attitude toward him as a child makes him such!
If you treat him as an adult, talk to him on an equal footing, instill a sense of responsibility for your actions and independence, then I assure you that you have nothing to worry about.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №112412
 21.04.2015
To Hainalosrach I will add the statement of another writer.
The army is made for war, as a chain dog is made for guarding the house. But no one will call a chain dog the chief in the house on the grounds that it has bitten the thief.
I do not specifically mention the author, in order to avoid the beginning of a less interesting quarrel than the one that is happening.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №112411
 21.04.2015
xxx: Today in the subway, my grandmother with the bulls hit me because I didn’t give her a seat.
YYY: It is right that I went in. You are young, you can stand. Especially when she was with Bailey.
xxx: Yes, I was still standing, she wanted me to give up my standing place.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №112410
 21.04.2015
Andrei01:43
What do you think of the "pohui"?

by Anton01:44
Fuck me, I didn’t look.

by Andrei01:45
Not bad enough)

by Anton01:46
And with you?

by Andrei01:50
They did not give me
Fuck the delivery.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №112409
 21.04.2015
Polish fishermen caught in the river Oder a giant soma of more than 3 meters and 20 kg, in the belly of which were found fragments of human bones and the metal distinctive mark of the SS of the Second World War.
Sergey L
By the way, individual especially distinguished somes were even awarded titles and presented for awards.
Dmitry V
Som has been partisan in the water since 1940 :) and helped the partisans to destroy the fascist ugliness,
bone and
And why all these bones for 75 years did not come out naturally, the soma had constipation?
Why not remove the thriller? "Some and Other"
I need a monument to be erected...I can arrange to collect money...

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №112408
 21.04.2015
I sell an old helmet (good, expensive, laser, integral).
The little boy saw and decided to play astronauts.
I think, well, let it play, what he will do to him, the helmet is designed to fall on the asphalt at speed.
It turned out that the helmet was not designed for the game of astronauts.
I do not sell a helmet.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №112407
 21.04.2015
Head of Fire
I went on a week trip and missed it.
I made a compliment to the secretary that she looked better.

PS Secretary, we have a 65 year old aunt, square-nested design, small roast
The face is more like the grandmother in the rear of the enemy, and if it is painted, then the painted grandmother in the rear of the enemy

Everyone laughed, including the secretary.
She even said dreaming "Maybe he wants me... "


[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №112406
 21.04.2015
Strange these Japanese... First they invent a bunch of sexual perversions, and then the most interesting things are smeared with pixels. c) Palich

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №112405
 21.04.2015
You don’t understand anything in life unless you have seen the eyes of a giant mastiff fleeing from a two-year-old girl shouting, “Ki-i-isya-a!”!" © Shubar

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №112404
 21.04.2015
I sit in the lobby of the travel agency, looking at the wall with advertisements. A large scratched inscription with sticky foam-plated letters: LifeInSpain (letter S slightly shifted to the left) I end up sitting, tapping on the inscription LifeIS pain and catching myself on the thought that I can’t disagree.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №112403
 21.04.2015
xxxh: yeah, I will tell you briefly what happened=))) the funniest news - I finally removed the appendix!! (Nond after the 7th attack, well, here I was the fault I didn't believe until the last one that it was ON - the symptoms didn't fit).
xxxh: voooot, and then the circus began - they say to me "you are sticky to stick" and I am like Luke Skywalker "Neeeeeeeeeeet!!!! I don’t want a scar!!" and me so "and we will do without a scarring!" here and I agreed=))) now I do not have an atavistic organ, but there are three holes in the pulse and a glue video (5th series) where the operation is filmed and as a doctor I have a laser scalpel there so fun "pshšššššš""vvvvvvzhik"=)))
xxxh: and I was glad that I was given this video (surprised since I was the only person who asked for this in the home horror collection =))))

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №112402
 21.04.2015
D: Yes, call me a man!
Q: Okay, how can I help you?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
In one book (I do not remember the author, so as not to lie) there was a man with a strange name Peter.
Everyone somehow got used to it. Then I asked him why he was called so.
His parents came to register and asked them:
How would you call the boy?
and Peter.
Peter was recorded.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №112401
 21.04.2015
The snow melted and melted the hearts.
My first date in the spring. My husband invited me to a restaurant. It seems like usual, but not. Meetings in the evening, on weekends. This insists on Friday at lunch.
Well, I think a joke with you – Friday is Friday.
We met, as if we were sitting well - and he has a sad-trist face!
I ask, why at lunch?
Would we not like each other? In the evening I have no time anywhere, so I can not hurry to go to the store for a rope and soap.
Here I started to roast, and this spider didn’t even smile!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №112400
 21.04.2015
And the news? I asked.
There is no difference. Let’s say you’re tired of the movie and switched the TV to the news. And you see that the exchange rate has changed in the most fatal way, the miners have fallen in the mine, their children have been insulted by pedophiles, and the economic reform has stolen the future of all the citizens listed. Have you ever wondered what the full amount of information the world media reports about?
It is not so easy to formulate.
“It’s really simple,” said Apollo. It reports on instability and suffering. The world is non-permanent – otherwise there would be no need for news. Instability and suffering are almost the same thing. One inevitably leads to another. Even when suffering is disguised as the pleasure of what is bad for someone else today...
And the internet?
The Internet is our most promising direction. Do you spend a lot of time online?
Well yes, I said. – Although now more and more in the hamlet... But it happens.
Then you must know yourself. A person always goes into the network with the anticipation that he will now catch out of the ocean of information something valuable, interesting and necessary. What happens in three or four hours? He stands up from behind the monitor with the feeling that a flock of pigs has passed through his soul. Moreover, I would say, the Evangelical pigs – in which all the evil spirits of the Middle East had settled before. The man swears he will not waste his time on this wash. Tomorrow he will repeat the same experience.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №112399
 21.04.2015
In our school a few years younger was a boy named Rudy.
He had an older sister, a very nice handcuff, and we, the high school students, liked it very much. The boy was asked about her, and he is flegmatic like that. He once issued:
In the younger classes, the sister was irritated with mercury, and in the older ones, the chest.

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