bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №85547
 13.08.2013
On the line to the surgeon. Sorry, sorry for the pop. Someone on the bandage, someone with pain. The nurse is collecting cards. The doctor makes a quick examination to develop a plan of action. I decided to cut. We sit in a row, drizzle. The nurse comes out. He says, “Head!" We look back, no one has turned back. She again: "Head!" Well, a little Ukrainian, the name is characteristic. and silence. The nurse is annoyed "No head? Then JOPA!" From the turn immediately "And so with my head! I sit, I wait for the turn, and when I get up, I go to the office, everyone will understand - that JOPA is me.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №85546
 13.08.2013
I remember the case from childhood we came to visit my uncle's mother to the hospital (he was still a recruiter) we go to the chamber, and my grandmother already reads the nations, we went in with the words:
Why didn’t you tell the doctor that you had a bad memory?! to
D has forgotten.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №85545
 13.08.2013
No No No No No No No No No No No No No I’m not in the workout!! Better a big ass than a deadline or a damaged mental health!
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? to
XXX: Imagine that though. You are standing so quietly you are pulling. Here behind you on the gymnase sits a knight and begins to passionately blow you in the back, and still in front of you the man will get up with his back and start to sit with the rod! And he has his ass, like two flourishing watermelons, and the muscles are so twisted, strained! I have not had sex for 2.5 years!!! to

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №85544
 13.08.2013
Film club report on FB:
Now we are not only watching movies, but also creating new families. Yesterday in our movie club, immediately after “Four hundred beats,” a guy made an offer to the girl, and she agreed to marry him. So, if you want to make an offer to your girlfriend or boyfriend, don’t be ashamed..."
Commentary :
xxxh: "400 beats... I would probably also agree :-)"

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №85543
 13.08.2013
Talk about navigators. The Employee:
Well, I go to Sykt... Sykt... to Alma-Ata, for example.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №85542
 13.08.2013
Still, the notorious Russian Post has worthy followers:

Transnistria Railway apologized to passengers of train No. 120 Lviv – Zaporozhye, which on August 7 was mistakenly sent instead of Zaporozhye to Dnipropetrovsk.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85541
 13.08.2013
Grnngn: I watched the news for centuries.
Grnngn: Russia is just created for the MSU.

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85540
 13.08.2013
Zizmo> Unfathomable dialogue of husband and wife from a colleague
G&G and Night. The married bed. Going to sleep.
B&G and Sleeping. They sleep. Through the dream, a Christian wife hears the voice of a pagan husband:
Zizmo> M - Eyehkhh... Still you need to put a candle...
Zizmo> What kind of candle?
Zizmo> M – Well this... Hello.
Zizmo> – To whom do you, nonchrist, intend to put a candle?
Zizmo> M is Dick, to yourself.
Zizmo> What is it? What a candle you are! Gathered together?? to
Zizmo> M – What kind of... Clothes...
Zizmo> And without waiting for the following question, achieved:
Q&A – in the ass!

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №85539
 13.08.2013
Oleg Tinkov is outraged by a client who has behaved like a bank.

[ + 24 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85538
 13.08.2013
and XXX:
There are three flowers at work. Everything is flowering. And since they are on my window, I always water them.
They are very beautiful, and as I thought, they were almost not worn. At least I forgot to swallow them.
OOOU :
Good job baby!
Photograph them.
I want to see what the flowers are.
XXX is:
And now imagine my disappointment when Sasha said to me:
"Why do you water them? They are artificial!"
OOOU :
ahahahahahah

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №85537
 13.08.2013
The child tried to eat a hamster. poor child, hamsters are lacking in the body

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №85536
 13.08.2013
My 3.5 year old daughter loves Luntik very much (who knows, that will understand). My favorite heroes are butterflies. I asked her to buy wings like butterflies. After the kindergarten went to the children's store, bought wings (dressed like a vest), pink color from some incomprehensible capron, wrapped around a frame of wire, in general - happiness-filled pants.
We go out of the store, the daughter is dressing them right there in the shopping center, well to paint. Two minutes of silence, something is waiting. And then begins such a wild rift! I am in panic, the people around too. Only slightly overlooked, already through tears, the daughter explained that she thought that by wearing wings, she would take off like a butterfly.
I thought a lot that night.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №85535
 13.08.2013
A few years ago was
The 5-year-old brother was invaded by mathematical terminology from the parents of math tutors who worked at home. And my mom with a sense of humor trolled the students when they stopped:
The derivative sinus?
"Cosinus," replied her 5-year-old spank with a stunned voice.
And the derivative cosinus?
and minus sinus.
Unfortunately, the faces of the poor students could not be photographed at the time.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №85534
 13.08.2013
Alexis: Hello to you.
Remember the word: complete defeat.
The collapse of all hope. Six letters
The second I. You guess, you get something.
that.

Olya: I’m a lady, of course, but it’s a shit?

and fiasco!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №85533
 13.08.2013
by Peterson:
XXX: My mom has a living room, naturally on the first floor. Some there security service says: what hell there are no bars on the windows, to install (for the fact that there was no fine, mother gives them a bribe). Then set up bars.
Then firefighters come: what kind of grid, it is not by fire safety technique, remove! (Whatever the penalty - bribery) and removes the bars.
And so from year to year!
This is Russia, shit!

by Fire. If the windows are opened, the bars should also be open, the key to the lock should be located next to the lock. On the guard - pocher, what windows grid. The main thing is to pay the grandmother during and put the glass battle sensors and envelope. And you don’t have to "joke" about Russia. Not funny anymore.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №85532
 13.08.2013
In the UK invented a device that predicts the date of death
From the comments: Press the button, so why are you unhappy?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №85531
 13.08.2013
About the confidence:
I decided to buy dried pineapples in Ashan. So why not. I went to the bowl, put it in a bag, tied it and put it on the weights. A paper with the inscription "dried ginger" came out, well, I think again, the employees confused everything. I went back to the pot, where, to my surprise, it was also confused, and my pineapples were called dried ginger. I didn’t know, I went to the box. The cashier naturally did not notice that I was taking an ananas under the form of ginger. He came home, made tea, opened a bag and tried ginger for the first time, roasted and thought for a long time.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №85530
 13.08.2013
In the Primorsky district, the rptshniki, led by the charm of Milonov want to build another church.And the inhabitants, ungrateful, want a park, which is there, actually has a place to be.Yesterday on one of the local channels showed a fragment of public hearings. A man from the initiative group of residents tried to tell Deputy Milonov that the bold bell "blam-blam" at 9 a.m. on Sunday in front of the windows is not good. But! Not for that we fought! "You are what? You are who? You are a citizen of which country? I am not asking what religion do you have?"- cried the deputy Milonov, equated by law to the state. elected and elected in democratic elections.
M-da, it seems that in our Assembly for the mention of the Constitution of the Russian Federation impose fines, and soon in general will be excluded from the single, mother of it, Russia.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №85529
 13.08.2013
Poster on the wall: "Sanitary from A to Z".
Go to them, what slogan to offer, "From Antuz to Yanitaz".

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №85528
 13.08.2013
X: I think there should be a movie about Jobs, but I don’t remember when.
Will Pattinson play it?
What kind of Pattison? O_O
Do you know Robert Pattinson?
This is the main sumer.
I thought about vegetables :D
YYY (RofL)

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