bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №85294
 07.08.2013
The epic conversation was...
I ask the senior CSyf:
Do you know how many time zones there are in our country?
Am... 9
Two in geography.
There is a wife:
and two!
I fall into a stupor:
There are two types of times: local and Moscow. Then already three belts, there is still Petropavlovsk-Kamchatsky where it is always midnight!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №85293
 07.08.2013
My quote is at the top! And there is a mistake >_<
This is not how I wanted to go into history.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №85292
 07.08.2013
Can PMS be a whole month?
YYY: No
YYY: This is character

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №85291
 07.08.2013
Is it possible to add to the deadly sins of the programmer the development of the Bank-online for Sber for legal entities and the portal of the State Services?

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №85290
 07.08.2013
Are you not in a very lyrical mood?
YYY :? No is
I saw a pelican eat a pigeon today.

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №85289
 07.08.2013
We went somewhere in the car to ride. I decided to make the girl pleasant, bought a flower, put it in a barbecue, closed it not to the end, you need to go to the barbecue, he opens himself and there is a flower, unexpectedly pleasant, in general, everything should go cool. And so I meet her, we go, I see the cat, I rush, I cut off the bumper... EPIC FAIL

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №85288
 07.08.2013
The life of a manipulative cat.

Once one of us two (I or my wife) enters the house (from work or somewhere else), the cat moves out for a meeting and begins to give a sound signal of the type of "myu". So he asks to eat. This happens regardless of the degree of satiety of the animal. If he is filled with food, he stops giving the sound signal. If the food is not served to him, then his small livestock after exactly five minutes still silences and behaves absolutely calmly. I usually come from work an hour before my wife. My cat loves to make me eat first. And then demand that his wife also feed him. A poor woman, seeing the grieving face of the animal, thinks that the ugly husband is back for the guitar, forgetting to feed the cattle. So the cat used to dinner twice. But sooner or later, all these murky tricks emerge. In the most funny way. First, when I come home, I don’t feed the wool, thinking my wife will feed afterwards. Then my husband comes home confident that I’ve already fed him. Thus, the roasted cattle was left without dinner at all several times. The moral of this fairy tale is quite simple - cats are still stupid people. But more sympathetic.

[ + 27 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85287
 07.08.2013
The first partia, as its symbol, chooses an animal that for half a year does nothing and sleeps in its barrel, and in the remaining half a year it only does that it swallows its own belly.
In other words, there was no talk of any public good. and A. Pokrovsky

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №85286
 07.08.2013
Separately, young people with two or three higher education of different directions are pleased. Whether they are so stout that they can not decide whether to get to the right university they had to ride a horse
___________
And can everyone at 16-17 really decide what they want to do all their lives? Even if you enter a specialty that you like, the learning process is often disappointing. Interests are changing. Or the parents forced. or found a job not in a specialty that requires professional education.

I am, for example, an educational teacher (parents forced to go to ped-fak), but it is difficult to find a job in the school - most teachers firmly hold for their seats, many are retired. The new schools know how fast they are building. I had to look for a job in another industry, one of the conditions for admission was to receive the appropriate education.

Many are interested in diametrically opposite industries and want to study both. It is sad that because of the undergraduates who openly bought diplomas, many consider those who received 2 or more education to be idiots.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №85285
 07.08.2013
I’m not talking to you anymore!!! to
He: And I will never come to you.
She: Junona and Avos, yopt...

[ + 24 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85284
 07.08.2013
by :

Friends, please tell me what kind of fireplace is this?
— — —
The switch is turned in the "in" direction, but not to the end, so that the light is not yet on. Fixed by a flash between the box itself and directly the switch lever. The idea is that if you pull out the light bulb, the switch at the expense of the springs will reach its extreme position, and the light will turn on. At the end of the light bulb is attached a thread that stretches at some height from the floor. Any unauthorized invasion causes the thread to be strained, the light is pulled out and the light is turned on.
The main disadvantage is the high probability that someone who went in the night for emergencies will forget about this alarm and provoke a false alarm.
This is the technology version of the mid-1980s.
Most likely, there are later and more technological modifications) Possibly even with the "nano" prefix.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №85283
 07.08.2013
There are alternative people. The bankomat. There was a small line near the bank. In front of the ATM stands a young lieutenant and feeds him a pack of thousands (a piece of 50, not less) for one note. Apparently he has already tried to suggest that the entire package can be loaded into the ATM, because the turn is quietly and patiently, and the lieutenant's face clearly reads: "If you, the staff, are so smart, then why do you not wear coats and do not go?" Finally loaded everything, asked for balance sheet, read, rejoiced. I did not guess. With the next action, the lieutenant removes 3,000 from the same account! I should have seen people’s eyes in the line.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №85282
 07.08.2013
And the next morning we woke up squeezed by the paste at the very least, and it was despite the fireplace trap in the switch :D
____________________________

Friends, please tell me what kind of fireplace is this?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №85281
 07.08.2013
From the Hubble, "The Deadly Sins of the Programmer":

If this is read by someone who writes programs for the Pension Fund. Be cursed by you, the devil. So much blood has been poured on people.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №85280
 07.08.2013
by Fidel Castro:
He stood near the entrance, smoking, waiting for his wife to gather. I see two puppies of 10-12 years approximately, on the self-driving of the times of the USSR, one in front of the cardboard with the inscription "BMW x five!"", and the other "prior"" and the one who on the "BMW" shouts to the second: "E! I don’t play that way!! Not so honest! This time I’m on a BMW, you can’t drive me faster!!! And you also have to stop after each round for repair!!and "
What smart kids...

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №85279
 07.08.2013
In Russia, the law is a place where everything can be put.

[ + 75 - ] Comment quote №85278
 07.08.2013
Many years ago, Serezh's friend moved from Peter to Germany, but he comes to his hometown at least once a year. And in Sereza's hometown lives a beloved friend Edward. Well, such a friend who is the most... And here again comes Serge to Peter.

A day passes, two, three - and all of them and Edward will not meet: then one can not, then the other has something shaken. It happens. On the fourth day, the friends decide to fight the circumstances as decisively as possible and at the next telephone conversation give each other solemn promises that everything is tomorrow! “Tomorrow!” “Tomorrow!” “I’m at three o’clock!” “At three o’clock you are here!” “And no one!” “No one!”

The next morning, at the beginning of the third, Serezh plunged into a road trip with the good intention of reaching a friend of childhood. There was only one free seat - the back to the driver, the face to all the other passengers.
Upset on him and transferring the money for the trip, our hero suddenly noticed that the expression of the faces of all the other passengers, first, strange, second, completely the same. You know, such a mixture of irritation, thirst and universal submission to fate, with the rhetorical but expressive question, "Why?“”

The source of such contradictory emotions appeared directly near Sergei and was in the image of a young beautiful lady whispering on the phone. She has apparently cuddled for a long time, and unwilling listeners to her conversation slightly, let’s say, stunned.
“Well, Eddie-e-ik, well stop-a-an,” the lady pulled capriciously. Well, I understand what I’m feeling... Well, my-and-your-your, I can’t really do it today...
No... No, Edick, I won’t come... Well, I miss it too, but I can’t go today...
Well... I can’t... you know... Well, stop...
Well... well, how can I tell you why... Well because I can’t... Well Edick, well, I’m honest, I can’t... Well, really... Well, I won’t come...
No, I probably won’t be able tomorrow either... Well, I won’t be able to...
Well Eddie-y-y-ik, well what... well, after tomorrow may be... Well that means – maybe... I don’t know yet... Well I really can’t... Well, I can’t... Well, why-why... – Here the lady looked around, convinced herself that there was nobody around and, covering a slight tube, with a slightly intimate voice said: – Well, I have days like this... What does it mean – okay? You know, you goat, you just need that from me, right?
All of! I understood everything!
No, I said, I cannot and I will not come!

The cover of the cell phone with a thunder collapsed, and in a second the ringing ring of the call came out. This time, I did not call the lady, but Sergey. He pulled the phone out of his jacket pocket and said:
Oh yes Eddy! I am! Of course I can, I am going!
He lifted up his head and saw no one in front of him. Because all ten passengers bowed down and cried.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №85277
 07.08.2013
Growing up, it was when it became sad for Tom of the cartoons.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №85276
 07.08.2013
A line-up tested after 10 days of the experiment - after each good deed, the fox increases by 0.001 cm! I told a friend, she also checked - don't believe, after two months in the "good" mode I had to buy a bustle for a larger size!!! to


[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №85275
 07.08.2013
Ordinary working day:

[17:10:46] xxx: if the microphone on the headset to put against the center of the eye, then as with a target, fun=)
[17:11:09] zzz: I see you too, very busy))

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