A well-known informal from Omsk in deep drunkenness sat in the summer in the underground crossing. There were beautiful naked nymphs. Naturally, his dignity arose and demanded satisfaction. Well, he started quietly with his left hand... right there.
He was taken by the militia. After that, a brain-absorbing formulation of the reason for the detention was coloured in the protocol: "Nonated in the wrong place".
P.S Anyone who knows places in Omsk specially dedicated to onanism, please let me know!

Gizmo:As far as I am, I will not come from everywhere, everyone runs away or I begin to actively be silent... skype.. aska.. contact... maybe I have a plague or some intestinal bacteria... Oh!
The candle goes away without saying goodbye.
No one goes away without saying goodbye.

I tell my girlfriend a joke about the musicians:
The conductor hurts something to the orchestra, the rehearsal is 7 o'clock.
The third violin is 0.75 tons higher. 2nd fleet 0.25 tons lower!
The stroke does not stand and ferociously crashes on all "fake" instruments.
A dead silence... The conductor surrounds the orchestra with a dark look:
And who did it?! to
After a short pause, the loved one says, “Who did it?” The keyboard?

What do you think these salads have a half-life?

My sister s.

C: You gave me photoshop yesterday. It is not established. Do you know why I put my money on my phone?
I : No.
Q: I bought Photoshop via SMS for $3. I now have a photoshop license. Here you, programmers, just ask for something. It is always easier to do it yourself.
I :...

X: [link to the archive]
I download this file in an hour.
X: I am in half an hour.
I’m here in 5 minutes ;)
X: So then go on.

XXX: My legs are hurt.
You need a couple of strong men’s hands.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Recently in the universe the case was: comes to the seminar of the predecessor - shrinking, "beautiful" already. Listen to your ears, happy... Let us tell stories from your life. Here comes the girl - late 10 minutes for a couple. He suddenly became terrible, and:
He said, “How late are you?? to
She: Well... you know, traffic jams...
He: What fucking traffic? I don’t care! Go for a certificate in which the reasons for your delay will be written!
I’m sorry, I’m not going to...
“Anna, go for a certificate!
She: Where is she?
It is in 252 cabinets.
As soon as she comes out, he begins to roast. We sit and quietly cheer. And then he publishes: "Ggg, and 252 cabinet is a female toilet=))" And then the whole group fell into a precipitation=)

I noticed that in our celebrations there are two eternal problems:
1st There is nothing to eat.
2nd There is nowhere to put

From mail.ru the question:
That's why men don't like when they're overtaken by a woman, and he's smoking all the smoke, and he's going there, pulling with a rainbow!

Well, we don’t ask you why you are turning in the opposite direction from the twisted turn!

I am a pig, what do I do?
dima: make a plastic fifth and walk on a copytikur

Vkontakte on the page of Zhirinovsky there is a topic "You ask - I answer"... it is not clear whether he answers or not, but on the first page the guy wrote:

Hi Vladimir Volfovich! I have such a problem. I have Linux Slackware on my server. Everything works great, but I can't configure a video card driver on it. The rare card is Intel. I downloaded the source code of the drivers, I do./config && make && make install. Everything is done, but nothing is written in Xorg.conf. When typing manually, the xs do not start, even after modprobe intel. I googled for a long time, but I don’t understand what the problem is! Even the kernel reassembled, as a result of which I fell kernel panic, eventually had to reinstall the system. Vladimir Volfovich, please help, all hope is on you!

[10:57:55] Doctor911: Yesterday was more or less clear weather. I was sitting, sitting, sitting. Then he went out onto the balcony from boredom, stood up, and said, “Soon the end of the world.” Two minutes later, a hurricane broke down all the trees in the yard, which hit all the cars except my own, and the water level on the streets was literally up to the knee.

Doctor911: I want to control it!

Oddctober: Ordinary shampoo is 80% water, man is also 80% water...meaning man is 80% shampoo, and shampoo is 80% people.
The first week of the session...

LONDON
Look here...
LONDON
I am a future psychologist.
LONDON
Yes to?
Polydnik
Yes Yes
LONDON
Should I know about the wheat grain?
Polydnik
Why then
Polydnik
Why and future programmer know how to collect berry juice
LONDON
Destroy the Universe

Yesterday near the metro I saw a picture:
there is a bomz - with avosks such, dirty, well as it is supposed. Suddenly something begins to roll on the asphalt. I watch: he is the worst of such a rainy stick and tries to transfer it to the nearest lawn.
I blinked straight)

He: I was offered to play Lieutenant Rzhevsky in one film... all the natural will be hot and horses and swords.
He: Only I did not agree.
She : Why?
he: according to the script, Rzhevsky dies from syphilis, and they say that everything natural will be horses and swords...

From Darksiders:

Yeshua Pat
And you once danced on a striptease table under Gazmanov - "Esaul," and then went in a telescope, anti-gas, hat-up, without pants, and with the flag of the Russian Federation in the hand to buy condoms at 3 o'clock at night, with the request "I urgently need additional protection! Preferably with puppies!"

Who has had funny cases of fulfilling wishes after losing cards?))

Playfellow
I have a shorter fire.

Playfellow
We have a predecessor - among students an unnamed nickname - a hobbit - because the little one is ever-grown and he has funny winter boots.

Playfellow
So here, telling us about his turbulent basketball youth, he said "A more! I had a ring feeling. You are cracking like a fool! I closed my eyes and I knew. There is a ring!"

I sit with a friend on the beach, next to me is a glass of beer.
Friend: How much is it worth?
I am 6 grams.
The glass falls from the wind
My friend: O knowed the price and saved it))