bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №127137
 20.04.2016
Reading instructions by a Russian man. A long time ago, my brother bought a screwdriver and was very proud of them (they were just beginning to appear on the market in such a variety). We had to repair the house. I asked for instructions to read what the people were crazy about, saying what to know there: a few buttons, and the hell knows where it lies. He flew to us in a week. It was not possible to turn the screws when the battery went off. The shop refused to repair. They found the workshop and repaired it. A few months later, a bullet came. It turns out, it is not possible to press the beat with much effort. When it flew for the third time (the battery died) and its repair was already paid, the instructions were found. And there, on the broken Russian black and white, all these rules were written.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №127136
 20.04.2016
To the subject, who is wiped out in names:
Will we be able to see the unforgettable Duchast Vyacheslavich?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №127135
 20.04.2016
I bought an air refresher yesterday. He sat next to him over the table, putting out the longest interval of spraying. I forgot about him today. I watch YouTube horror, I hold my breath, I sit all in tension... pressed a pause to swallow tea... and then I have a KA-a-ak over my head. I jumped up on the chair. I am glad the air has refreshed.)

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №127134
 20.04.2016
A woman votes on the road. The car stops and the driver asks:

Where to go?

Please go to town.

Okay, I will gladly take you.

The girl is scared:

I don’t need to be happy, I have money, I will pay.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №127133
 20.04.2016
I live abroad in a multi-storey house. When I’m sad and miss my homeland, I listen to our songs. The choice fell on Love. I sit, listen and knock at the door. I open, and there is a neighbor. I asked what group. He says, I don’t understand anything, but I feel like he sings so spiritually. I went, in a few minutes I heard, found and listened. A week has passed and he is listening. My two-foot neighbor-negro who is listening to Lube.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №127132
 20.04.2016
“Hi, my name is Sergey, and I stole a panda from the zoo.

We have an Anonymous Alcoholics Club.

Do you think I did it sober?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №127131
 20.04.2016
On the other hand, about the names... Donat (seriously?)>>>

Sergey Donatovich Dovlatov would look at you at least with sarcasm.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №127130
 20.04.2016
A few years ago, I lived with my husband in a household (he wrote a dissertation, I studied and we saved money). A small room without kitchen, laundry and toilet. In short, the typical room is social. The husband then began to get blind and his pressure began to rise for unknown reasons, (then it turned out that from the tumor) we rushed to the doctors, they didn't understand, the drugs didn't help and one of them advised to put his husband a leech to dilute the blood and reduce the pressure. And here I found these leaches (thick mucous creatures) put their husband on the back, they ate and fell, thick and bloody, shorter than the brr. It was in the evening, there was nowhere to throw them out and I put them in a bag, and sent them to the garbage can until morning. My husband made a dressing and we went to bed.



I wake up in the morning full of blood. Husband in Blood. The bed is all in blood, and on the floor there are blood circles around the bed. God, how I wept like in horror movies. The husband woke up and fell into a stupor from what he saw, the commando ran, and grabbed his heart, fell without feelings.



I almost became a rabbit. As it turned out later, from the gerudine, which is excreted into the blood, it does not collapse for hours and so much from the husband that it filled the floor of the bed. These frogs smelled the smell, bite the bag and wandered around the bed all night, leaving a bloody mark. How much time has passed and I still can’t develop that shit.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №127129
 20.04.2016
Buddhism is to enjoy what you have.
I have osteochondrosis... I am happy!! to

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №127128
 20.04.2016
The house is hot, and these fools from the JEC do not cut off the heating.
yyy - The main thing is that you would not cry out in May that the house of Dubak and these fools from the JEK heating cut))))))))))

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №127127
 20.04.2016
XXX (11:19:32 20/04/2016): GAME
XXX (11:19:34 20/04/2016): GAME
XXX (11:19:40 20/04/2016): GAME
YYY (11:20:47 20/04/2016): Oh, Sheldon Cooper I have in the ash! :D

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №127126
 20.04.2016
xxx: we have a long narrow corridor, I went out of the office, stuck in the phone, stood in front of the corridor, my legs on the width of my shoulders. From the office at the other end of the corridor, a programmer comes out, in exactly the same position, stuck in the phone, stands in front of me.
The Cowboys Fuck

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №127125
 20.04.2016
>> with real weighing on accurate weights will show less weight - pu or iron

Just one question: how do you plan to measure those 1000 kg of substance that are expected to be compared by weighing? Not the most accurate ones?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №127124
 20.04.2016
Question about thermostat:

XXX: Hello to you
Q: Do you still have a cold room for the notepad?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №127123
 20.04.2016
Majorova:I am now reading the interesting memories of Father Nicholas Agaphonikov: Among other things, he describes in detail how they were involved in the parish with the baptism of infants. It was unimportant, I admit.

At the end of all, both my parents suffered a great deal, and from the arbitrariness of the local governor, the primate John, apparently Cybardine, who was at the same time still a terrible noble to the whole district. ... Much has remained from this time in the memory of my parents and curiezes, about the arbitrariness of this leisurely temporist. So, for example, I remembered how they told about naming the names of the babies born in the parish. They come with a scream. They offer this kindness their intended name for the child. No, sorry, in no case will he agree to give a name that is desirable to the parents and relatives of the baby. Sorry, today is a torment. Lampad, and there will be Lampad, and especially, if the child from a maiden, (which was recorded in the metrics by the unconcerned son of the maiden), - then here without any talk the unwavering and severe protopopop appointed his name, such as "Pegasus", "Assigcrete", "Hustozat", "Goldenh" and so on.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №127122
 20.04.2016
As a child, I didn’t like my name. This is ordinary, nothing special. In primary school there were five of them. So I always came up with other names. In my teenage years, Niki was popular - I was delighted! Over the years, the nick has been transformed into a name, not exactly unusual, but quite rare. A year ago, he officially changed his name. So far I am glad that I don’t need to explain why I call myself so anymore, and in the documents, it’s different. All these problems with documents (I still don’t live in my homeland) were worth it.
And yes, I believe that the name should be given to the child what he likes himself, and not from some considerations / advice of relatives. He lives with it, fucking.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №127121
 20.04.2016
I told my wife that in a crowded car, I was kicked by someone and I was in good shape to be attractive to girls. And my wife asks me why I’m sure it was a girl.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №127120
 20.04.2016
Less educated part of the population is breathing

How are you there, okay?
I will continue with your permission.
“He draws inspiration in the saints.”

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪
Sorry for the uneven handwriting))) scratched button "send" is located on the phone in a very uncomfortable place.
So, and draw inspiration from the above-mentioned layers of the population in the media. And the lower the level of education the more outspoken and pretentious names are usually. There were no holidays, but the times were different, and now you are very right. Add a supplement.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №127119
 20.04.2016
My father called me the daughter of an existing mistress. I went to them six months after I was born. He was generally lazy and short-sighted - so much that for 30 years of life with them I managed not to write in my apartment...from which I put them together with the baby after the death of my father.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №127118
 20.04.2016
XXX is
I look at the reverse series. In the first season, the squad fought with other squads. Season 2 with witches. Guess who they are fighting with in Season 3?

YYYY
With the vampires?

XXX is
with Russians

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