bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №132931
 31.08.2016
From Khabr, from the discussion of engines with an allegedly more than 1:

Where is their creative imagination?

Only today and only for you on "Nano Radio" daily broadcast "Quantum Technologies in the household". Today’s issue is dedicated to superposition.

Did you know that after washing the shirt, or rather, every single thread (you feel a light taste of string theory?) Is it at the same time smooth and mint, and neither so nor so? But with the help of a technical device, commonly called a wave, we cause the wave functions to collapse at each point into a state of absolute smoothness or absolute confusion. In the latter case, a local fold of space is formed, often in the most visible place. It is impossible to "disintegrate" the wave function locally, so it is not possible to smooth out the wave accidentally smoothed by it. And only by exposing the whole set of threads to the effect called washing, can we completely eliminate the consequences by returning the system to a superposition state.

Thank you for being with us. See you in the next edition!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №132930
 31.08.2016
I had a girlfriend. As a friend, I met my friend. I had the habit of sleeping with anyone. I was silent for a long time, but one day a friend told me that she forbade him from communicating with me. I called her, I talked. Of course, I heard everything. After that, she calls me back and tells me that he snatched her, promised to beat her, and in general, the goat is full. And he hears it all too. Should I say there was nothing like that in their conversation? Here I told him everything I knew. We are still friends with him, we do not communicate with her, but a friend did not hand me over to her, the city is small, many people knew about her travels. Better not to go, yes.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №132929
 31.08.2016
From the recording in the random diary, it was fun:
In the house fell something lame, squeezed and with his hands and legs spreading in all directions, stated that he was my son, who fell into the pit, and fled again to ride a selfie.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №132928
 31.08.2016
xxx: It’s good that God created Man, not “procedurally generated” mutations. And everything around as well.
YYY: Where is it? The shit toy was also done. Interesting locations are few, most dumb water poured (saved obviously!The gameplay is dumb and monotonous, the meaning is not understandable at all. The mobs are full, and what to do with them is unclear. I tried to talk - they sent somewhere (probably a quest of some), tried to beat the anger - so I barely took my legs. There is no preservation. The schedule is nothing like that. I would also get the money back, but I don’t know how.
You are just a NPC.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №132927
 31.08.2016
Q: Can I call myself a pederast if my grandmother behaves like a guy?

Wow: If your grandmother behaves like a guy, she regularly calls you a pedar.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №132926
 31.08.2016
Comments on the article "How not to get lost in the forest":
Grizzly:...
Sixth - take flashbacks (turning them into polyethylene) or a lighter.
The seventh is a spray from mosquitoes and disgust.
Do not forget toilet paper.
Ninth - let someone check the availability of everything before leaving the list.
And finally, the Tenth – take your head and think well: "I need all this? " and stay at home.
Yitzuken: with the tenth point is difficult for many, and the eighth point doesn’t seem important until it’s broken up in the coniferous forest :-)

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №132925
 31.08.2016
A four-year-old Sergey took office at the entrance to the school. This was his first duty in school and he had to justify his trust. Raised on the examples of the heroes of civil and great domestic, Seroga knew that "to retreat nowhere - behind Moscow! » And although behind his back was not Moscow, but his native school, he knew that he would not leave the post like that boy, from the story "Honest Word". But the first offender is a tenth-grade student, trying to cross the boundary of Seregina's responsibility. Shallowed by his own foolish courage, Serega stood on the path of the perpetrator and barely heard his strictest voice:

No change of shoes.

What is? I was crazy about such boldness.

I will not change!

Are you not upset, little girl? With these words, the ten-class student easily lifted the little boy from his ankles to his level and hit him quickly with his head in the face.

Siroga, from horror pulled his head into his shoulders and closed his eyes, apparently because of this, something went wrong. A ten-class student with a blood-wracked face ran into the medical unit, and Seroga, rubbing a speck on the speck, remained in office.

As long as such Serenes guard our borders, peaceful people can sleep peacefully.)

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №132924
 31.08.2016
Go to bed! You don’t sleep yourself and don’t give others.

I can’t, I’m a cow.

Turn your head 180 degrees.

I do not know.

No matter, I will help you now.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №132923
 31.08.2016
In the wave of posts about naughty people, I remembered a case from my life. Once we drove by car stop across the border between Kazakhstan and Kyrgyzstan at the Karakol crossing. Well, first of all, of course, crossing the Kazakh border. Searching for things and so on. I always had a hunting knife hanging on the belt then - useful and convenient. The border guard notices the knife and here is the dialogue:



Q: What is it with you?

I: The Knife

P: Give it here

I pull out a knife and put a blade into my hands.

A beautiful knife. How much cost?

I’m 100 somewhere. I do not remember exactly.

A good knife. - The foreigner gently smoothes him and considers in every detail. The knife is really beautiful, with engraving, carving on the pen and all that. A minute of uncomfortable silence. I’m ready to take him back, but he doesn’t intend to give it yet.

P: Beautiful and good. I also have a knife, really normal, not so beautiful. I have fresh berries. Such a knife would be useful.



The stranger looked at me somewhat meaningfully, as if expecting a reaction from me. I am not in a hurry to show initiative and kindness. For a while the peasant grabbed the knife and gave it to my hand with a blade, almost cutting me.



Another few minutes of checking things and I am already standing at the table, collecting everything scattered back into the backpack. I told him he was around next to me all that time. And here again:

Listen, let me look again.

I : Why?

P: Let me see.

I waited, but I gave a knife. He turns and admired him again. Then he put me in a dungeon:

Give them a gift, right?

I: Oh Oh Oh Cho?

P is to you. The Gifts. What is he for you? I need a knife.



I begin to realize that the situation is quite uncomfortable, because a foreign Kazakh can necessarily get to something and not miss me across the border. This transition is famous for strong checks, as people often smuggle from Tajikistan and China.



I: No, brother, I’m sorry but I can’t. You understand yourself: a knife is a vital thing. No trip without him. Would you take a knife on this trip? (He was very pleased with it.) Here I took. And if I give you a knife now, I will remain without it. We go here without a knife. So no, I forgive you.

P: Well so yes. Can I sell then? How much do you want?

I: I don’t want, I don’t want to sell.

Q: Let me give you 10 bucks?

I: Are you clinging? It is more than a hundred, which 10 backs. Again, I need him myself.

Q: Do you have permission for it at all? A big knife. (I think he wants to get rid of it somehow. The knife is really big, 18cm. I get a certificate where it is written that it is not a weapon but a hood. The knife )

The boyfriend is upset, everything is fine. It will not get picked up. Standing in place from foot to foot.



I pull my hand behind the knife to take it, and he attracts it to himself and obviously does not want to give it. I hold my hand with a silent request to return the knife. As a result, the stranger apparently understood that I would not give in and an insult appeared on his face. He threw a knife on the table, squeezed something and quickly left. Fortunately, I was missed.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №132922
 31.08.2016
A woman came to the ultrasound with her husband and five-year-old son. On ultrasound we watch her baby 22 weeks from conception. As I watch, I talk to my parents and their son. The boy is silent. He told everything: the home address, where Mom works, and where Dad earns, how much money Dad bought Mom a car, where and when they went on vacation. I ask my parents, “Isn’t it hard for him to say everything about his family?”

What will you do? We teach him not to lie. See the exaggerated. They answer.

I asked him, “Do you know where the money lies at home?”

and yes. In the bedroom...

Stay in touch! ! to ! to Both parents are chorus.

I am delighted with this family.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №132921
 31.08.2016
I was silent about the betrayal of a friend. He is no one to me and his wife, too, decided not to get into someone else’s relationship. Then from their friends learned that this man knew he was sick, but infected his wife with AIDS before the birth of the child. Then he went to his mistress, who is sick and does not hide. If I said about betrayal at the stage when he offered his mistress to meet for the first time, it saved the health of three people, and the result of the divorce was the same.
Talk about other people’s betrayals, people will go apart, but you won’t feel shit.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №132920
 31.08.2016

to this:
In Japan, there is a tradition of "respectful expectation" - when a Japanese person, in order to show respect, comes 2 hours before the start of work and humbly waits.
xxx: I first decided that the mind did not understand them, and then remembered the ranks of retirees in hospitals.

How many times have we already met. The grandmothers will come 2 hours before the reception, see people, talk to the people, and, fuck, here is her, the live turn. The nurse goes out, starts checking the recording... and sneezes.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №132919
 31.08.2016
My mother hates cleaning potatoes. At the same time quietly lipped pelmeni, vareniki, blinkers with all kinds of fillings. But cleaning potatoes is a father’s privilege. And if he puts on this privilege... well, say, a bolt, then the vegetable ragi we have consists of a bowl of fried meat with a lanch and tomatoes. and Dad! God give you health and long years of life!

[ + 27 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №132918
 31.08.2016
The first edition of the dictionary in 1865, Gogol lasted in 1852. It doesn’t fit.

Do not pay attention to such little things. After all, this is just a quote from the internet.
So you read the quote and it is quite possible to imagine how Nikolai Vasilyevich Gogol opens the BSE, on the advice of Alexei Maximovich Peskov, to find out - how cyclotron is written, in order to win a long-standing dispute with Gabriel Romanovich Державиным on two talents of smoked design.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №132917
 31.08.2016
According to the environmentalist, fishing in Moldova is considered only as a secondary factor in the use of reservoirs. "Water first goes for irrigation, and what remains goes for fish, but it does not understand these priorities of the state and will die," Trombitsky said in an interview.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №132916
 31.08.2016
linuxid: I have more than 16 gigs that is not allowed to use.
deisler: it’s time to grow up and stop listening to mommy

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №132915
 31.08.2016
A conversation between a 32-year-old man and an 18-year-old man.

32: I bought the Red Orchestra, until 2 weeks have passed, I can cut it somehow, I need to check, if you don't like it - to return the money.

18: You can, but if today, then tonight (if you are comfortable) First you need to wash the dishes and prepare for yourself to eat. Here at home I am alone now, so to say, I eat adult life

32: Unlikely to be awake

18: Well, then on the weekend, I ended, my student life began, so on a daily basis I now have little free time.

Don’t worry, it always looks like September 1st.
Halyava will end years at 25-27
It begins to end.

Oh all, no need, spoilers

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №132914
 31.08.2016
XXX: What happened to the inflatable bed?
YYY: She... broke up.
XXX: A personal achievement!
Okay, you have a weekend with my sister ;-)
xxx: "Courage, what do you know about love? And one day I had an inflatable bed... broken".
YYY: No-no, I am a decent girl. Probably a factory marriage. Or your son has jumped.
XXX is all. It has burned 😉

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №132913
 31.08.2016
I recently bought a puppy and I love it very much. The first days were hell: because he woke up before me and spotted the whole apartment. I just screamed a fool once, so he kept silent, so it lasted a little over a month until he started calling me a fool :(

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №132912
 31.08.2016
About professional deformity:
Everything is fine, one strip.
Husband (telecommunications engineer): What’s good here, obviously not the best signal level with BS. And here came...

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