bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134004
 25.09.2016
According to the rules, foreign surnames are not translated into Russian. She translated the financial report into English, often got a bond, and immediately remembered that there was such a heroine in the Soviet series about the militia and the scammers, Manka-obligation. That is Bond. And then I had an image in my head: such a brave cool actor comes out of the car and says the famous phrase: "Bond. The James Bond" I hanged for 20 minutes after that.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №134003
 25.09.2016
Here you write that in movies they go in the frost "without a head" and it’s hard to see.

A few times I’ve seen a man falling in clothes into the ice water.
What do they do with him when they get rid of him?
It doesn’t eat, it’s the Russians who will tear and poison with vodka (and drink with vodka), and then wrap.
No, these paranoid absolutely wet people in absolutely wet ice clothes...just cover up with a blanket.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №134002
 25.09.2016
My girlfriend and I were 15 years old. When dating the guys usually looked at each other and told my girlfriend "how eyey!" and she shone. And I was terribly jealous of her, because I thought my eyes were no less expressive. The idea that it was a compliment to her fourth breast size came to us 10 years later.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №134001
 25.09.2016
I just saw the hair. I dress up!
YYY : Oh! The dress is original...

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №134000
 25.09.2016
After a long break I went to the gym, now I can't raise my hands. The Fortress.
WOW: How much did you do?
XHH: 36 years

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №133999
 25.09.2016
Android Thinks I'm an App That Cleans Cache to Install New Apps

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №133998
 25.09.2016
A drunk companion calls and says:
Are you in front of the compound? Look, plz, what is the celebration today? (25.09)
- 0_0 Okay, - laughing, - Day of the Machinery Builder, - I think it will come, it's all over.
No, which other one?
Tiger Day in the Far East.
Is there anything else?
International Day of the Deaf.
What a day?
Day of the deaf.
Oh shit, it’s about me, thank you :)

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №133997
 25.09.2016
My son will soon be born, and I’ll call him Charles. By the time he goes to school, all about this meme will be forgotten and only the ancestors will not be able to joke about the old people themselves. You understood the joke, Charlie.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №133996
 25.09.2016
I got my first job immediately after school. By passport 17, naive at the same time not by years. A number of men around forty were immediately drawn around, wanting to tell me how unhappy they are in marriage, and only now realized that their true love was me. Naivety saved me to some extent: I sincerely believed that these wonderful people told me about their feelings in order to divorce and with a clear conscience to try to conquer me.

When a couple of months later my aunt told me what rumors were going on about me in connection with all this, I was very surprised.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №133995
 25.09.2016
From the University Confa to VK:

XXX: I seem to be asleep
YYY: I think I knew how to save money.
Zzz: It seems that two of our group have sold their souls...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №133994
 25.09.2016
How are the caterpillars reproduced? No is no! You know it early.”

By saying something similar regularly, you will forever get rid of various uncomfortable children’s questions, because they will be addressed by someone more competent, such as a plumage companion on the resort. If the question of what is “orgasm” has surprised you, you can say, “I’m not ready to answer right now, I need some time.” After that, it is worth paying for special literature, listen to a couple of thematic webinars "How to tell children about it" and go out, finally, to the child with the drawn scheme. There you will most likely find that he has long lost interest in orgasm and is now absorbed by the problems of the relationship between religion and terrorism. The household will be surprised when you try to turn the conversation back to sex. But it is better than nothing.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №133993
 25.09.2016
# names
Physruck in the school - Angel Angelovich Angels. This is the dynasty, it’s not Violet Pupkin!

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №133992
 25.09.2016
(A) If the statue is in the form of a rider on a horse, and the horse has two legs (legs, copits) - then the rider died in the war. If one is at home from wounds received in the war, if a horse stands on four legs, then he died of ordinary death.
(B) Nothing like that is a myth. In which war did Peter die?
The War with the Green Serpent

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №133991
 25.09.2016
The weather has changed from "What do you stick to, and without you it’s hot!" to "Stay by my side, my warm dog!".

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №133990
 25.09.2016
Victims of Fashion

>>>... People with fashionable short pants and naked hips! When will the cold be in fashion? Or only when the snow becomes so much that it starts to get stuck in the shoes? It is cold to look at you.

Especially funny, in contrast to the naked in the moustaches thin ankle, looks strongly wrapped in 5 rows with a wide shell neck. Their neck will freeze.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №133989
 25.09.2016
by cybernetics

...the first settlers of the United States in the 17th century...I didn’t find a suitable large-size photo for the earliest settlers...Well, it’s a painted fig. I recruited Pioneers of the West, American Pioneer, etc. Few high quality photos. The painting is not in the style of my blog. I have beautiful pictures :)

This leads to Nobel. Search and find 17th century photos on the Internet! The seventh, Carl by Facepalm

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №133988
 25.09.2016
With Geektimes:

AAA: "how the perception of size and distance to an object changes if you bend and look at it in the light between your legs."
This, by the way, I noticed, I really do not remember the circumstances.

BBB: You Remember Everything

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №133987
 25.09.2016
The dissertation board of the Ural Federal University will consider the application for the deprivation of the Minister of Culture Vladimir Medinsky of the degree of Doctor of Historical Sciences, says on his Facebook page one of the initiators of the appeal specialist on the late Renaissance, Ph.D. Ivan Babitsky.

The application will be considered on October 4.

It is noted that we are not talking about plagiarism, but "the main claim is of a substantive nature: his work is simply unscientific, and in places is absolutely absurd."

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №133986
 25.09.2016
The trouble. I have a horse in my business.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №133985
 25.09.2016
About the Russian Internet:

xxx: fucking, and my legs are frozen... heating is not included, fucking!
YYY: Write about it at the censor. What’s up here, Rose Banderas?
XXX: You look at your Jewish eyes, lamb. I am from Peter.

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