bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №134129
 28.09.2016
- Rabinovich, why did you decide to leave Russia that you do not like us?
I don’t think I deserve to live in the happiest country in the world.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №134128
 28.09.2016
What have you achieved in life?
On my quotation, Lin the comic painted.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №134127
 28.09.2016
I was given a laser vision correction.

Everything was done, sitting in the dark rested.

I am going to leave, the doctor stops and gives the last instruction:

"First thing to go to bed, wake up, you will see better. Most importantly, do not be afraid. The people you see are your family.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134126
 28.09.2016
I like to drive fast.
Are you the owner of a sports brand?
Passenger of the Metro.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134125
 28.09.2016
One day a generation will grow up who won’t know where we got our mirror discs and very strong magnets from.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134124
 28.09.2016
I was killed by a language switch.
You can write everything in Latin.
I depended on 10 seconds. 2 languages available - English and Python

Are you talking about EN/RU? We need some uniformity. Or you can decide that this is a switch from English to Python language.
The same association?

Oh yeah yes! It means that everyone has the same association.

WOW: The matlingwists are sure))
Whoever goes there goes there.

xxx: Conversational Python, Si Plus, PHP and others. Language lessons are cheap

Name: The Piton Carrier
It is very

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
courageous piton carrier will introduce a charming carrier plus

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134123
 28.09.2016
The former head of the Nikolayevsky sea port (in Ukraine) was depicted on the wall
The icon of the temple for whose restoration he donated money.

Imagining church benefactors on the walls of temples is quite common practice in Christianity, the teaching does not prohibit the image of people. But it is not an icon. The image becomes an icon if it is rewarded with the honour established by the Seventh Ecumenical Council.
Just like the opposite, the image of Jesus is not an icon unless worship is rewarded – for example, screenshots of the movie “Dogma.”

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №134122
 28.09.2016
My wife told me. She has a girlfriend. My girlfriend at 30. Not 30 years, but under 40. Everything is good, work and money. The problem is that there is no man and no child. Grandma is smart, even too much. She understood that the bridesmaids she struggles to look for - decided that years go by, and children are needed even without a husband. You have to give birth to yourself, so to speak. And here she started looking for a potential sperm generator, without sperm banks and other IVFs, which will naturally fertilize our female without any obligations and other claims, only biomaterial and everything. She sought long and seamlessly. She chose her father to be: tall, slim, not stupid, there were a lot of general criteria. And she found him. Then they conceived the child. The child turned out to be healthy, beautiful, straight as he wanted. Probably year three. And today a friend calls his wife and asks if she has a good family lawyer. When asked why, the answer was surprising: I want to pay for the child’s father’s alimony.



There is no morality. The woman said, “Well, isn’t she a bitch?! to

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134121
 28.09.2016
About strange people.

I am going to the metro now. There are a couple in Mendeleevskaya. A boy and a girl 25 years old. He, say so, is Afro-Russian, she is an ordinary Russian girl.

Standing next to the door. I did not pay much attention to them, but. The guy suddenly touched his lips to the handle, and licked his tongue!

His girlfriend, seeing this that he told him, pulled away from the metal object of his passion, and kissed her in her lips. They laughed.

At that moment, the guy who stood next to me at the door opposite knocked me in the elbow and said, “Did you see this too? “”

I cried out. We continued driving quietly.

What it was! ? to

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №134120
 28.09.2016
A friend bought an apartment in a new building. Rather, two, and removed the fence, the wall between them.

I struggled with this for about a month, running on the instances. Yesterday I called him and asked him to stay at home. A man must come and see what and how he did, write it down and leave.

It is not difficult, I agreed.

I sit, I am in a good mood.



A bell at the door. I open. There is a young girl with a pen and a pen, well, I think, our man.

Hi, I am smiling. Are you from JYSK?

“No, I’m from Darknet, my name is Anastasia. We offer internet connection services.

Hi you Anastasia. The internet is good. There is nothing in this apartment, except the roof. And thanks to Tom. Tell me.

Then followed the usual story about tariffs, why they are the best in their field and you need to connect to them, a series of common questions and common answers. At the end, leave a card and a number.

Goodbye to Anastasia. I will call. All the best!

I close the door. The girl goes away, approaches, in her opinion, to the neighbor’s door and calls.



There was an idea in my head.

Everyone remembers the old trick, when the company of people, alternately passes past the "target" repeating: you are sleeping; wake up?

and here. I go to the other door, I open. I see confused eyes.

Hi, are you from KFC? stretching a smile to the ears. I tried to look like last time, but it seemed to be a bit overdue.

N is no. I am from the Darknet company. and Anastasia. I offer the internet. I tell you. He seems to be upset and does not understand anything. Without giving a look, I continue.

Hi you Anastasia. The internet is good. There is nothing in this room, except roses. Although they are. Tell me.

Then she tries to tell something, but it seems that her thoughts are elsewhere. The eyes went from astonishment to confusion and nothing at all. I tried to answer all questions the same way. I asked the same questions.

In the end, she gave the card very uncertainly.

Goodbye to Anastasia. I will definitely call you. All the best.



I close the door and look in the eye. The 30-second girl is confused. Then he approaches the first apartment, calls, approaches the second and also calls. He stands in the middle and waits. I do not open either one or the other. I observe. Standing for a minute, she rested in place and left.

I went out with a better mood to do nothing.

Now I think. Did I not hurt her psychic?

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №134119
 28.09.2016
Now about every struggle of minors write in the central media, in my youth is beaten.
There were dances for up to one and a half thousand boys, and even in the city newspaper it wasn’t about it.
It was mentioned)

In Soviet times there was a censorship ban on publication in the media about mass fights, riots, terror attacks, serial killings. Inetics and bloggers putting on state censorship were not mentioned.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №134118
 28.09.2016
It was this morning: I got out of the bus, a girl comes next to me and talks about something lively on the phone. I go, unwillingly “heat my ears.” There is such a monologue: "-Mash, you throw it, I go to the office, and she sits behind my comp and reads our correspondence with him... I choked, of course, I ask, say, that this is a fist? And she says to me, “That’s what I introduced you to!”

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №134117
 28.09.2016
XXX: What is the difference between a man and a woman? A man has beauty on the outside and beauty on the inside, and a woman has the opposite.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №134116
 28.09.2016
Once I had the "happiness" to work in the reception commission of the universe. Next to my desk was a five-year-old girl. Appropriate in all respects, going to a red diploma, if it does not change the memory, studied somewhere in English. and Jaze. A young boy comes and stretches her papers. The girl looks closely and gives: Bashkortostan? Acceptance of foreign students.

The guy quietly took the documents from her hands and sat down at the next table, i.e. to me. Then we had a conversation with this girl:



I: And you don’t know where Bashkiria is?

D: Well why, I know it’s in Kazakhstan! There are also Tatarstan, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134115
 28.09.2016
Today I took an elderly grandfather to the station. Talking turned out, we walked all the way silently. I saw the inscription "MRZ" in my car on the panel and said that he knew very well and was satisfied with the products of the Moscow Radio Technical Plant.

Well, I didn’t talk to my grandfather, the more so he was so happy. I only add that I have been using their products for a long time.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №134114
 28.09.2016
I had to fly from Peter to Moscow. I have an inspection at the airport. Time is a wagon. With a small bag. Nothing illegal goes with me.

He put his bag on the tape, removed his shoes and belt, passed. All is OK. I dress up. I have a girl in shape. Staff at the airport.

Young man, go with me.

So go through. I follow her gently and confidently. It leads me through some slopes and stairs. I gradually realize that we are going into some fucking thing. Apparently something wrong is happening.

In fact, what is the matter?

I will explain there. It was said in a cold, hard tone. I wondered if I would bring a drug bomb with me. I remembered that I didn’t put it in my bag this time.

Finally I enter. In a room with a bunch of moving tape with luggage. The airport employee victoriously picked up a completely unfamiliar red bag.

Their bag? ! to He does not ask as much as he claims.

No, not the mine.

What does “not mine” mean?

That it does not belong to me.

She hanged for a second. Then I raised a label attached to the bag.

You may say that you are not Ivanov Petrovich.

I will say. I am Petrov Ivan Ivanovich. In confirmation of my words, I show my passport.

The girl’s eyes were incomprehensible.

Who is he talking about, shit!

The girl fled. Leaving me without apologies in the airport fucking. The road I did not remember.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134113
 28.09.2016
I had to leave the bus station by taxi. As always, there is a parking lot where there are several permanent cars. There were two at the time. There are no drivers, no one nearby. And here I remember that I have a service number one. I called, ordered the car, said it will come in 5 minutes. Meanwhile, a man - the driver of one of the taxi on the parking lot, and then this dialogue took place:

Where are we going?

- You are nowhere - called a taxi by phone.

Oh shit, I just left for cigarettes, you didn’t wait. Where did they call?

“Such a service.”

They are so loaded that they get on orders.

And went away.

After 5 minutes of waiting, the same taxi driver approaches, and says that they probably hit, they went with me - we refuse.

We wait for a total of 10 minutes, I can't stand and call back and ask, where was the taxi ordered for the bus station? What the girl says to me:

So you called 7 minutes ago cancelled!

I fell out, I say that I did not cancel anything, the girl apologizes heavily and says that it is unfolding the driver.

A careful driver arrives on a careful car (unlike a bus driver on an old Audi from the 80s, who guarded at the bus station), also apologizes for the incident.

In general, the taxi driver of the bus station learned our service, called and canceled the order, expecting that we will behave and go with him.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №134112
 28.09.2016
A friend rented an apartment on the sixth floor. There was a new man (a grown-up man) over him. On the first night, I heard rumors, screams, drunk voices. The situation repeated on the second day. He went up to them, and there were six drunk men. No one hears anything. He decided not to go.



On the third day, the noise started again. This time, a friend called the law enforcement officers. Eventually the neighbors calmed down.



The next day a man comes up to him from the first floor and a dialogue begins:

Why did you bring the garbage when Volodya rested?

Are you actually who?

I am a neighbor from the first floor.

What does this change?

- People on top were culturally resting, I was invited somehow, no one was disturbed. They sit and drink.

Are you normal man? They did not sleep for three days in a row.

Do you call these riders? Which normal man would go to them? Are you a young man, a fool?

Go from here to X!

The man tried to strike my friend, but was twisted and dropped to the floor.



After my acquaintance called the police again, as the neighbors were bullshit again.



Five days later in the morning, police and several residents of the house stood in the yard. It turned out that the drunkards from the seventh floor began to throw furniture and heavy objects out the window. Three cars were damaged. Among them was a neighbor’s car from the first floor. He also testified.



My friend immediately approached them and began a dialogue:

You are like the “right man!” Did I say I was a bitch and I went to the police? Are they like “Pidars”? Am I not confusing?



The neighbor turned red of anger, but he answered:

They broke the car!

Are you, old man, a fool? My friend laughed openly here.



The man did not argue with the police and ran into the entrance. Then my friend explained the situation to law enforcement officials.



A few days later it became clear that this "right" neighbor was still going to testify along with the victims.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №134111
 28.09.2016
My husband is called Markus. My daughter also calls Morse. Catherine and Anastasia
///////////////////////
Only the husband wanted a cat, and first came the wife, then the daughter.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №134110
 28.09.2016
<starred horse> Who are you by gyroscope?

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna