bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №131857
 08.08.2016
Forgive me, /dev/null, for I am a sinner, and accept these two terabytes of the sinful video, for I have nowhere to build a new one.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №131856
 08.08.2016
Horn: Advertising should be such that it does not exist.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №131855
 08.08.2016
In Novosibirsk began to sell figs at 60 rubles per piece.
One of the comments "Figs are especially delicious with oil. When the bosses submit them to the corporation instead of salary."

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №131854
 08.08.2016
I go to the office, and there is a guy for me: “Mash, we have something dirty, wash the floor.
“No problem,” I said, “only you pull the couch upstairs for me.
You would see how upset he was! You see, girls, lazy creatures, there is no way to raise your ass and bring cleanliness. They are always cheering that they are the masters to clean up!
In short, the men at work now call me a sting behind the eyes. Maybe right?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №131853
 08.08.2016
My brother also gave birth to a rabbit, baptism a month later
* * * * * * * * *
WOW to Peace!
Oh yeah yeah!! to
Is he baptized? Where does the peace go?

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №131852
 08.08.2016
I’m in a taxi today. On the way, a taxi driver picked up another passenger. He sits in front and begins to squeeze.



The driver is offended, do you not trust?

The guy - Yes, no, just three times in his life he did not arrive and it was these times he got into the DTP. In principle, if you are so sure...

Driver: No No, I was joking.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131851
 08.08.2016
History of my colleague. The other day she was at a visit with a friend, where she ate a salad of liver, carrots, onions and cakes. I liked the salad. When asked how he was named, the hostess replied "Lenin". Why - could not explain, the recipe of my grandmother, she always called it. Guests began to build versions of the origin of the name, very different: that the liver and sausages are like the dead Lenin in the mausoleum, that in the USSR the liver was one of the most affordable products... Finally, they decided to call my grandmother. They called. It turned out, the salad "Lenin", because the recipe aunt Lena told))

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №131850
 08.08.2016
Explain to me.
In my opinion, mutual help and a benevolent attitude towards others is the norm. If I see that I need help or I have been asked for it and I have the opportunity to help - I will help, and even the thought will not arise that I owe something in return. I can’t afford it, I will polently refuse.
I don’t understand why the aunts in most cases help each other without thinking "you owe me now"? And why, from the point of view of a man, very often you owe him even for some small help.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №131849
 08.08.2016
Ask this "Help to drag the couch, please". A "Tract over the couch, you are a man" is already translation, manipulation, and humiliation. Go on, here’s the answer to this approach.

The answer is wrong. It would be more correct:
"Go naked, you are a woman!"

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №131848
 08.08.2016
We decided to travel with my wife to Oku: to rest, to burn, to swim... We found a fairly clean place - we cleaned the garbage for only 15 minutes!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №131847
 08.08.2016
Drawing the Unicorn
You are lucky with the unicorns. I had a virgin one night. The time is already in the morning, the dawn blows in the window, I am in a half-sleep, the beauty snoops me in the shoulder and suddenly clearly expresses with an unexpectedly low voice:
Einstein by Neubauten.
The rests of my sleep fly away, and I worryingly ask:
What is?! to
Einstein by Neubauten. and cassette.
And sleep again. I am still alive and not dead. What was it? Did she call Satan? Or is it "the curse of Radical Kat"?
Later, she told me about her musical passions. At that moment I was nervous.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №131846
 08.08.2016
Second universe course, the last week before exams. To be admitted to them, it was necessary to defend work on the subject with the simple name "Business Planning", which had to be carried out throughout the semester. It was necessary to make a business plan, and a young teacher, looking seriously at the audience, at the beginning of the year stated: "Come to this work more than responsibly, I will check all the calculations." Many decided to follow his advice. There is a defense, and the predecessor, we will call it "X.“Sometimes he even nodded and wrote something into a notebook. And here another student finished telling about the business plan of some memorial agency. H., this time recording more actively than usual, suddenly asks the girl: "What, when the calculations and all the information about suppliers, etc. So let’s open a company, ready to take on a portion of the costs.” The student, slightly confused, replies, saying she is not ready and something in this spirit. X., turning a notebook in his hands, kicks and releases it. Literally a month later, the teacher is fired to devote more time to his new, recently opened firm. Now, judging by rumors, he is very even well and he does not plan to return to teaching.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №131845
 08.08.2016
After reading the post about peanut aid, I remembered the story.

In the 90s, my father bought a pair of bags with peanuts, grams of 300-400. Well, gave us with my sister, eat, said, foreign nuts.

I opened the bag, and inside two other small bags, like a bag of spices in the width. Inside was something white, crystalline.

Battya scratched the tail, opened them and poured out the contents of small bags in a large with peanuts. “It’s salt, so it tastes better.”

Well, that's what we and my sister broke peanuts and periodically hit the teeth of crystalline figi. It turned out to be a nifiga not salty and very hard, it had to be tried to rip it out.

A little later, when I was bought another abidas or beebok cross, I found similar bags in every box. So I learned the new word absorbent.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №131844
 08.08.2016
The same jerk with the offended waiting for sex in exchange for an invitation to a hatch coffee. See, in the evening in the expensive restaurant she would have given the same partner?

How I love this manner! Taking a phrase, clinging to a word, making conclusions, of course, is extremely illusory for the author of the phrase. Relax now, the sick. "For something" I "give" just like you. Thus e. and no. Well, I didn’t cry out enough to pay for a plate of food. If "the candidate" likes... then why waste time in the dining room? I have a cup of tea at home, after a pleasant process for both sides. Who is to blame that you don’t like anyone? Put yourself in order, pump charisma, not swing your wallet.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №131843
 08.08.2016
About the sofa and the floor.
The bravery of a man is that he demanded, precisely demanded, a service in return. It’s like my grandmother asks me to help bring her bag from the store to the house, and I’m like her, okay, grandmother, and you’ll massage me, agreed? A good deed or deed is precisely due to not demanding anything in return.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №131842
 08.08.2016
XXX: The Pressure
xxx111 and 67
yyy: good
I ask my dad.
xxx:Pap 111 on 67?
xxx is me
I don't know the calculator.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №131841
 08.08.2016
Comment here on this:

The truth, as they usually draw, is that the helmets in a child’s cloth bring, they absolutely do not understand the aerodynamics and the weighting of the cargo on the aircraft. A baby weighing about 4 kg should be tied to the legs of a tail, which weighs approximately as much as the cargo. If he carries the cargo in the clove, he will immediately go to the dead roof, and the nifiga will not bring, like the roissy and Ukrainian bird.

And even those who draw crabs do not understand physiology and childbirth at all: everyone knows that children are found in cabbage!

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №131840
 08.08.2016
by Divanosratch
I remembered. My aunt at the accounting office bought a closet. For the assembly of the closet did not pay - the company is large, somebody to collect. As someone, my aunt chose me, a polite and polite young man from the neighboring department. I didn’t give up, but for 10 minutes. He got his screwdriver from the table, similar to a child’s pistol (IXO, if anyone knows) and went to collect. And then the accountants turned away:
Smoke, what is it for you?
Maria Mikhailovna, this is a screwdriver!
MarMikhalna, a woman for a hundred, rattles her nose and answers:
He has something small. Here my husband's screwdriver is healthy, he sometimes drills walls with them.
“The youth has been shattered,” replies a colleague from the corner of retirement age. In our time, everything was gathered by hands. My Witty screwbacks were lying all over the house. Everything is done by machines.
In general, the closet I assembled them, and even quite durable, but the sensations were like the exhibitionist, foolishly jumping out before the tapestries.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131839
 08.08.2016
That’s why I’m never going to this hernia, like “we are men, strong, a stone wall, a mammoth, and you are a fairy, let me help.” Such a knight will draw you a conditional couch, and then because he knows you will owe him. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You are offended, Cannes. They say - a funny feminist, all the babies are babies, and don't give you a coat or a bag. The wild. I am not wild. Who knows what tax you have in your head. Wash the floor for the sofa. and OK. And for holding the door and the coat to serve - borscht to cook or immediately minetics, how to squeeze? If I play these games, I’ll do it myself. Consider a physicist, convinced.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №131838
 08.08.2016
XHHH: Fuck what advanced

A clear pen.

I’m not in a cow’s tail.)
We have everything in fashion here, civilization, vaping, anal...

You are there, and we only have civilization.

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