bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №84647
 24.07.2013
I watched you today, did not sleep and came to the first couple, strange.
Father is on a business trip tonight, he did not go to work to collect things. He pulled me out of bed with pins, made me dress and wash with pins, and you can say, he reached the universe.


[ + 46 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №84646
 24.07.2013
For every creature in a pair, a man is looking for a "second pilot with a pilot", which has common interests and values, which will always make up the company and help with valuable advice, and not the ideal consumer, which needs to make shoes to the bag fit.

Oh you. Pilots need pilots. You dig into the virgins like the old women in the tomatoes in the bazar.
Just like my parents. They saw each other and that’s all. As my mother told me, I always liked the tall dark-haired guys, and here... I didn’t notice anything, neither a small height, nor that red... And all my life together.
And you can even swell up, the chips are frozen.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №84645
 24.07.2013
The longest flight (without refuelling) of a fully equipped soft aircraft lasted 95 hours and 30 minutes.
The longest flight on a balloon was 477 hours and 47 minutes.
However, the absolute record belongs to the Russian Post: The aircraft of their company was able to stay in the airspace between Taiwan and Russia from June 27 to July 23, while loaded under the bandage of shipments.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №84644
 24.07.2013
[13:02:07] xxx: the wild cat in the country bitten yesterday :) now I cuddle =)
YYYYYY: How did that make you happy?
[13:02:50] xxx: yeah she, scuca, thought the bathroom was her house
[13:03:01] xxx: but we did not agree with her in opinions =)
And who won whom?
[13:04:45] xxx: apparently she, she’s fine, and I’m crazy for 3 months, + another 6 drops of alcohol =)
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
[13:05:26] yyy: respect for the cat)

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №84643
 24.07.2013
Yesterday in some American series one of the main characters stated: "Today is a full moon. According to my data, it is the strongest in the last 50 years".
What is the power, brother?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №84642
 24.07.2013
And we in childhood (5th grade) found a hidden sex book from parents (it was printed on the machine in a notebook in a cage)
Read and read
How the summary was issued
Everywhere the word "organism" is incorrectly written (well we didn’t know that word "orgasm")

:D


[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №84641
 24.07.2013
From the life of the driver of delivery:

1) Inscription on a ten jiggles:

Instructions for opening
Nothing in the car.
Music is fucking
There is no gasoline.

2) Inscription in the elevator

Anton and Viti Gay
Especially with Vito!! to

3) The inscription on the beat in the ass

Girls, learn to brake!! to

The inscription in the elevator again.
Please burn your piano from the 8th floor.
And add to this fire your fucking drill.

[ + 45 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №84640
 24.07.2013
People don’t know in which country they live.

here here :

xxx: As the package reached me, I managed to get married, change my surname and sign up with my husband.
Now the evil aunts don’t betray her because I’m not me.
____________________________________________________________

Marriage certificate + certificate of previous place of residence.

And not here! Ideally, of course, a mail worker can read the specified documents, conduct a logical chain and even agree that you are you. But! First, she has instructions, and in the instructions it is not written to issue a package on the basis of a marriage certificate, and, secondly, she will not do anything about it, because she does not need you, nor your package, nor her work... and in general.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №84639
 24.07.2013
I grew up in an old intelligent family, we had an old, large house and a piano.
We lived on the 1st floor, the oven is heated, the floor is cold, I was often sick as a child, so I played the piano. Unclearly?
Years from the 3-4s, when I already knew where the edge was and what it hurt to fall, I was put on the cover of the piano with all the toys, a chair was attached to the side so that I could climb there and there.
As a child, I played the piano.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №84638
 24.07.2013
There was a case when the patient was operated to remove a stomach ulcer. The removed part had to be sent for examination. The examination is carried out, including pathologists. As a result, from the patient’s point of view, it looked like this – he goes away from anesthesia, wakes up, sees me sitting next to him in a white coat and the phrase I gave out: “Hello! I am your pathologist."

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №84637
 24.07.2013
With Lambogini, you've gotten it out, you're now giving myths about mythsubbies!

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №84636
 24.07.2013
The July. Summer in Russia.
It is time for the male flashmob to wash and change trousers and shirts once a week and at the same time to complain with the choir that the merchants avoid them only because they don’t have a fifth iPhone and a BMW.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №84635
 24.07.2013
Today in the office an employee going on vacation (going for some paper) brought her child. One and a half year old. A set of words Mom-Papa-Kaka and... trying to get rid of "ABLA-KUDABЛЯ". The suspicion falls on a young man.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №84634
 24.07.2013
Reference to Sandwiches
The shortcomings:
On the first day we ate sandwiches. The second too. On the morning of the third day, I understood why little children scream from colic in their stomachs. Remembering that weakened kefir and strawberries, took the one in the package from the active. Exactly 20 minutes later the dungeon broke, for almost 40 minutes I scared the colleagues passing by the office number 0. In short, be more careful!! to

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №84633
 24.07.2013
I am a medical student, third grade. He goes to the babysitter. I am afraid to go to the hospital.

[ + 56 - ] Comment quote №84632
 24.07.2013
taken from the fan club group "Rammstein" in the famous social network:
A: Who knows where in Los Angeles they sell records or RAMs?
BBB: When I see questions about where to get RAMs in Los Angeles, Rio, Tokyo and Sydney, I don’t feel like the question is not asked to find products, but to tell us that the person is not somewhere there, but in Los Angeles. It is said that I am exhausted in the class-foreign world of capital and the only thing that can remind me of my native unwashed Russia-mother is the Rammstein disc. No one has visited our God-forgotten Los Angeles last weekend, inspected shops? If the horror in this Los Angeles, I would know, I would never have come here.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №84631
 24.07.2013
by Habr

There was a computer club in front of the school. There the children on the breaks ran to play and stayed on their own for lessons there. The director came, drove everyone out of his ears... and sat down and then played their time.)))

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №84630
 24.07.2013
I am in a supermarket at the box office. On the sides, on the stands, a standard supermarket set is laid down: chocolate sticks, gum, wet wipes, lighters, batteries, condoms. Behind me in the line is a young mom and holds a baby for about two years. The child pulls the pen to the content of the shelves, takes some chocolate, feeds "nim-nemka!" and gives it to the mother, after which the mother puts the candy in the basket. The child again stretches to the shelves, takes a pack of condoms and again gives it to his mother with the commentary "Nam-Namka!". The people in line watching this scene begin to laugh quietly. And then Mommy gives out: "Not a German, honest word, Mommy tried it!"
From the explosion of the whistle that followed this sentence, the entire supermarket guard escaped.)
Now I can’t look at condoms without smiling.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №84629
 24.07.2013
Comrades suffering about Frendzon.
You just haven’t smelled dust in relationships because of your youth.
When you are friends because the girl is not attracted to you or considers you a "reserve airfield" and, in general, does not give - it is all safe for the psyche of the hunk.
True friendship begins when you are given, but only – and nothing more. When you (or right on you / below you) she agrees to meet with another fool, which she constantly has about 5-6, with one of them "loved" - it is one that can be folded onto the bubble and "fix the socket", and the rest - for diversity and also because the lob is itching.
Let the stupid little ones scream as much as they want that we don’t need anything but sex. must be! The problem is that they don’t always have anything else besides sex.
And then the same friendship begins, the same atomic shit that God will never let you see, feel, participate and experience.
See Alexander Hwan’s film “Carmen” (2003). The film is not about that specifically, but about how scary it can be.
Again, don’t stumble and don’t stumble. Nice girls are even more.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №84628
 24.07.2013
I love autumn, really. But not when it is in July :C

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna