bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №128330
 19.05.2016
Q: Do you remember I wrote to you?
XHH: "The MFU is slowing down. They called him Tougokserja."
A day later he started to smash ;-( Justifying the name, shit...

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №128329
 19.05.2016
loly_girl: Personally, I think it’s all about the thickness of displays. Here before they were bulky, all were healthy, children were born 7 kilograms, immediately went to work, tomatoes were delicious and did not spoil for decades, and if they were spoiled, then it was natural and beneficial for health, corn was so useful that immediately all the cancer passed, and HIV infection turned into geranium, detox-cocktails chemical weapons turned into manna meal. But then there was plasma, ginkgo, ice, and everything, the end of civilization.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №128328
 19.05.2016
A 5th grade boy came back from a trial class and his mother told me.
Mom: I told him before the class: Be active.
Child: Well, I ran there during the break...

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №128327
 19.05.2016
To my acquaintance, on a new home in a city apartment, a friend-in-law gave a pig with the words: "Finally, I put you a pig." The pig was not from a decorative little pig, but from a normal village pig.

The pig started living on the balcony. He lived there for three months, bringing the surrounding (and neighbors) crazy with whirlwinds. According to a friend, he didn't know that pigs can make SO horrible and loud sounds, in addition, 24/7, without touching.

In any case, after three months it became clear that the pig is growing and will not stop on the achieved. It was decided to cut it and roast it.

His acquaintance had never cut cattle in his life, and he had no friends who could do it. The pig was sorry. Although cattle in all respects, and yet three months, side by side, lived.

When a friend went to the balcony, his family looked at him as captured partisans looked at the fascists leading to the shooting of their comrades.

He went in. The pig was found in the corner. He was like hiding. But his ass did not allow him to fit in the closet on the shelf. When a friend in complete silence pulled the pig out, he looked at him with a reasonable sad look. For what reason, boy?? to

The pig was not cut that day. A non-smoking friend smoked a pack in three hours. I called a friend.

A friend came the next day, took a pig and left. After a while, I came back with meat. He baked meat because his wife refused, and he ate during the dinner.

The children were crying, swallowing tears and salad. The wife was silent. A familiar drinker.

At the end of the day, he admitted that he had divorced everyone. And the live pig runs in the village, and the meat he bought in the store.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №128326
 19.05.2016
For a school performance dedicated to the celebration of May 9, the son needed an army belt with a plaque depicting a star for the room. I bought. I watched all night, nostalgic. Suddenly I was visited by a thought: The son, without realizing it himself, made a huge contribution to his upbringing and upbringing of his younger brother!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №128325
 19.05.2016
The subordinate man doesn’t mind fucking with the boss woman without vaseline :-)

For some reason on the position of the "woman behind" no one agrees even with vaseline. The sadness. You have to carry your brain through your ears.

[ + 31 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №128324
 19.05.2016
Well, how to say.. the hop company there is one shit noble.. one alchemy, the second is a decadent fool, the third is a terrorist. d'artanyan so in general the fool is naked and with the head does not friends))
How to save a country that is in danger? :)
Yes, the decadent fool, by the way, also a blue-fooled... although smaller... but how it will be eaten - lanfren lanfra on the whole street.
Even if there were no phones then, I would have called the former.
You call the fuck, and go, you fall from the horse.
It was a great time...
Here you come out of the cabbage, and you from the second floor are eaten.
And immediately it is clear that in this form is not what to go to the grandmothers, let call them - west.
And now...? Taxis, private people, laundry nobody sheds out.. there is no romance))

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №128323
 19.05.2016
If a woman had been appointed, no one would have said that now she is born, she is a grandmother.

Unfortunately, that is exactly what they would say. And so, yes, to water a foolish man, it is a holy thing.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №128322
 19.05.2016
It takes no more than a week or two, and employees begin to treat buyers just as the company treats its employees.

Founder of Wallmart

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №128321
 19.05.2016
by Ku. What do you think, am I a genius or a dalpaep?
There was nothing to do yesterday. I decided to rebuild the wind. He twisted the screw, finalised the electronics and brought the wires from the generator to his room.
And now attached to these wires 2 coils and put on the edge of the keyboard. It is hot, but there is a ventilator.
The wind is moving from the roof to a hundred. PPC...

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №128320
 19.05.2016
20366: Are you a troll or just a fool?
Or do I know something, and the patients of psychiatric hospitals have been released on amnesty?
The morally concerned citizen offers everyone to observe the dress code, the socially concerned citizen offers to register microcomputers with the police.
The psychic?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №128319
 19.05.2016
I have a marble, black colour. The cat opened the door into the closet and climbed through the linen boxes, something was forging there. Deported him from there. Then he decided to take on his arms, and when he took, only noticed that he pulled on himself, exactly on the belt, black circular trousers...
The girl said that no one but her had ever openly walked around the house in her same underwear.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №128318
 19.05.2016
Where the teachers looked, I don’t know.
With age, you realize that what was absolutely normal for you as a child, is now absolutely unacceptable for your children (from your point of view). We ran on the roofs and garages, drank from one glass, ate a sausage with a dog, bite in turn from one piece, someone's nose was constantly flowing soap, and going to play in a giant pit or on a dirty building-ship - was the most exciting adventure!
And now the children and the sludge do not flow, and there are no such sludges, and the buildings are all cultural, and it is strictly forbidden to drink them from one glass (I saw myself in school). We will disappear soon...

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №128317
 19.05.2016
xxx: Be careful with this regime, I have worked so long before tuberculosis
YYY: It is now treated
XXX: Long and hard
No, it is not HIV.
XXX: You can't work out all work before HIV

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №128316
 19.05.2016
Beer and C++, which could be better.
A lot, in fact :(
For example, you can imagine, purely hypothetically...
Wine and piton.
Coffee and Java.
Marijuana and Lisp.
Cognac and Sisharp.
Calvados and Pearl.
cocaine and javascript.
Cheese and Cobol.
Clothes, handcuffs and assembler.
Bananas and basil.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №128315
 19.05.2016
I: Garlic is not a funny berry
Depending on how much to eat
E: Yes, you can just sign up.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №128314
 19.05.2016
xxxh: and we have a new one here, it was translated from (painted a pentagram) EMSC GCMPP
WOW: If you quickly pronounce the three names of objects from Ikeda, you can call the devil. He will appear in a dissolved form.
See also: AHA
WOW: And if you quickly pronounce the three names of the structural units of the post of Russia, the devil should appear. But he was either still delayed at the customs, or lost while being dispatched somewhere near Orenburg.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №128313
 19.05.2016
20366, and if you can kill with bare hands, then what now, to control everyone who has hands? Gasoline can be used very damagingly - so, to prohibit it from selling to individuals (and at the same time cars - they are also beaten down)?
Explosives are prohibited for sale, so the scenario described by you will not pass. And with regard to the "footprints for cars" and other things - this is what a laptop can do, let manufacturers enhance safety.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №128312
 19.05.2016
How everything changed.
As it used to be, if a fool was able to report that he was a fool, he became ashamed, and he tried to make a little smarter.
And now the fools have mastered, overwhelmed, submerged, and as soon as they get to know what people think about them, the fools immediately start screaming about discrimination.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №128311
 19.05.2016
You know, there is such an inconvenience - a comrade begins to tell a story that happened to him "nearly", and you understand that you read the same story on the Internet... My dad once caught me - he began to tell about some snack seller Suslyatina G.K., with whom he spoke yesterday on the track in the neighboring region. After my confidence, he confessed that it was Koresh who told him, but the story was so good that he decided to assign it to himself. I had to admit that for the first time I met Ms. Sullyatina on the Internet pages in 2004, and since then she has surely traveled everywhere and gained a bunch of followers who also sell crackers. Dad was a little embarrassed.
However, one of my colleagues found a good way to curb such disclosures as me". When I noticed that I had already read about it, he nodded contemptuously: "Of course, I read it. That’s what I wrote everywhere."

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