bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №136215
 23.11.2016
I bought the right, didn’t buy the ride. Where this monkey with a grenade found the “passing part” and the “traveller” at the shopping center’s PARKING – apparently only women will understand.

You will be surprised, but parking is not only covered. There are also places for parking on the street, next to the shopping center. And yes, there are walkways for pedestrians. I suppose it was this kind of parking.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №136214
 23.11.2016
CDs, DVDs are also perfocards, only holes in a circle and very small.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №136213
 23.11.2016
"Justin Bieber beat gay fan on tour in Barcelona"

No one likes gay people. Even pudders like Bieber.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №136212
 23.11.2016
There is an aircraft factory that was outside the city, after production aircraft are tested, from the factory airfield take off. Residential houses were built around the factory and the airport. Now I learned that there were dissatisfied, that there was a lot of noise. Why are they placed near the airport? The factory will be safely closed. Why the Russian aircraft?

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №136211
 23.11.2016
Discussion of Internet messengers:
If you’re not paranoid, that doesn’t mean you’re not being watched.
YYY: As far as I know, the telegram was tested by independent paranoids. Nothing like a system.
There are no independent paranoids. Every paranoid depends on something. At least from medicines.

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136210
 23.11.2016
With the pick-up: I bought a M-video disc, which cost 499p gave the cashier 5000p, she gave me the delivery of 1p...

I told her, girl, I gave you 5000 rubles, not 500 rubles. She looked at me like a downhill, she said, don't fuck me, go away from here. I answer her, I’m not trying to fool you, I honestly gave you 5,000, return the deal! Let’s look at the cameras!

She called the security guard, says now I better all the money in the box count, if there is excess I will return you, if there is no money now we will call for fraud you will be arrested! I say OK!

She took all the money from the box, put it in a special machine, began to count. The result: there was 17,500 r more in the box than it should be in the checks... She silently gave me 4500. I cried, thanked and left.

[ + 19 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136209
 23.11.2016
I had a book left in my parent’s library, published in that glorious period, which is called “Tales of the Russian Primacy” – from it it follows that the first steam engines, and the first airplanes, and the first electric bulbs, and the first radio and a lot of other things first appeared in Russia, and Edison, Marconi, the Wright brothers, Watt and other great scientists and inventors were just small scammers and plagiators. This struggle entered history under a poisonous slogan, invented by some fearless slogan: "Russia is the homeland of elephants."

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №136208
 23.11.2016
The real situation, the daughter does lessons:
Anthony is not dangerous.
I am dangerous
Title: Anthony is Dangerous
I: is safe
Is the word anthony safe?
I am unsafe

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №136207
 23.11.2016
"Help to get pregnant" Oksana Fedorova healer destroyed the mosquito"

What wild people. Twenty-first century, and does not know that you just need to go to church!

[ + 34 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136206
 23.11.2016
“I have a good friend, the chief engineer at a heat power plant. After the reform of RAO EEC, they went into one of the generating holdings. And here the new owners sent a commission to find out what asset fell into their hands. The chief engineer meets the commission at the airport: two such loosened self-confident young people, aged 30 years, in Italian costumes, with cravings, by pretext can be seen that they studied abroad (intonations and words are characteristic). They put them in a minibus and go to the station. On the way, the engineer asks them:
So, where shall we start?
- How, - replies the chief of the commission, - from the warehouse of finished products, of course!

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №136205
 23.11.2016
My younger brother told me.

In the 11th grade, a guy from another school moved to them. I don't know why he didn't learn the old, not the essence... His father had several shops and a good restaurant, in general, they lived not poorly, although the guy himself was without any special hassles and quite adequate to himself, didn't know and kept straight. They had a tradition in the classroom - before the NH to gather and arrange a tea drink (at school), which then flowed into drinking alcohol from someone in the country/hate... (well, by the way, everyone drank in moderation and purely for the mood, nobody ate or bled, the girls did not suck the boys in the toilet and did not post the video on YouTube). And the new man offered to go to the restaurant to his bat, everyone naturally agreed. He called the bat, booked a whistle. They came, his father met them, the man turned out to be the most adequate, with a sense of humor, told the staff to cover the table with the first or second compot, pulled 2 bottles of some expensive wine at 25 strawberries per bottle, feasted the boys, showed how to consume it, told a little about wine in general (his hobby was a small blame), money did not take a penny from them, although classmates tried to push something to him... In short, the kids were delighted with him and everyone said that the mouth of your father was clear, etc.

Meanwhile, the parents of classmates learned about this trip to a restaurant, sparked the parents of students from parallel classes and in the eve of graduation at the nearest parallel parental meeting was heard the idea that it would be good to go out at the same graduation restaurant. Father of the new one, who was present at this meeting, said that he did not mind at all, let a couple of representatives from the parents or even if they all come, the menu will be discussed, the show program, I will make you a discount and you can pull yours and walk at least until the morning...

Parents say this:

In terms of discount? We thought you would do everything for free that you regret?

The man makes O_o and says:

Have you done anything, dear ones? Why am I going to get over 100 people?

And all as they started to scream, said to fuck to dig, businessmen are crazy, like, they want to cook everything, even on the children, ko ko ko!

The man stood up and said, “If you want free, look for another restaurant.” And went away.

Morality – and there is no morality here, I myself wept when I heard it.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №136204
 23.11.2016
An invisible experimental tank was put into operation.

100 billion dollars spent.

No one has ever seen the tank.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №136203
 23.11.2016
It’s hard for fathers today. You need to constantly monitor the fact that the son downloads from the Internet, and the daughter puts there.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №136202
 23.11.2016
I want to learn to sit on the sword.

yyy: no problems, brother (+ photo of the icy road)

Zzz: I learned how to do a brain shock

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №136201
 23.11.2016
If you have already learned a lot of words, but can not understand the language of foreigners, then you need to listen to the radio, namely:
Advertising
Political Programs
Preached
They are made in simple words and are perfectly understood - for fools.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №136200
 23.11.2016
Women’s bags for health. I took so much with me today that the hat could not fit in the bag. I had to wear.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №136199
 23.11.2016
It is time to include the "effective manager" diagnosis in the list of diseases that prevent the occupation of significant public positions.

[ + 38 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136198
 23.11.2016
A conversation that happened to be heard in a row many years ago taught me how to philosophically deal with the misunderstanding of my intentions.
At the end of the 80s, the district centers were supplied in shops, with a ball of clothes, with 3 litre pots with berry juice and sea cabbage.
The locals, however, do well with all the houses with gardens and pigs, even I am sometimes drawn to chew in gratitude.
And the same - in the same 3liter banks - sometimes fell.
I shared it with my sisters and nurses, and they shared it with me.
So they lived.
Yes, there was a cooperation, food in the same shops - but at market prices. I was in my pocket - a single with 2.5 rates of a rural doctor (there was a surcharge for work in the countryside, paid well at the time).
Here is history.
I stand in a small line behind a cooperative sausage, sleepy after duty.
I have two daughters, judging by the voices.
Conversation - and here Pettenko right on the Speedway and in the reminiscence.
What is a reminder?
Everybody gets killed there!
I was alert, turned my locators a little - I was the head of the intensive care room.
Aunt - pulled into the reminiscence, thrown on the bed, the wardrobe behind his neck - tapped and squeezed
In translation, I felt a pulse on the artery of the neck.
Well, Petteris big, you can't get stuck behind the neck, she began to squeeze him in a different way, pressing his hands into the bed - here Petenka is as snapping!
And she, the snake, pushes even harder into the bed! And so as not to shrink, she grabbed his fist on his chest, twice.
So, apparently, they describe cardiac arrest and heart massage.
And then a young Jewish man in glasses ran to help, a new dochtur, a more.
They say - clear, but who knows them... still say - does not drink.
Tech-s, it’s just about me, I’m stressed – that the old hiccups are still choking?!? to
and what?
No, in general, the beast grabbed a long and thick needle and knocked twice into Petya, no man!
Petya snorted again, moved - so that in his mouth, the cell phone, so that they would be tired of listening to the snorting!
Peter is dead?
He survived, gathered his forces and pulled the tube out, the doctors were arrested - he was immediately transferred to the department, to freedom.
He says – I am not so easily buried.Buggy, in one word – repelled...
I had a choice – to turn around and answer – hero you are carrying the shit, the mold is brainless?!?! to
Or, without giving yourself - quietly get a sausage and get out of the store.
What I did – well understood by the doctors at that time during the times of cholera riots – the people are not always understood by the actions of doctors.
You just have to do your duty – “do what you should and be what will be!”
For reference, the patient went home to his two after a heart attack with clinical death.
I didn’t need a bigger reward.
All health and understanding!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №136197
 23.11.2016
Putin recalled how he, a monthly child, was baptized by the father of Patriarch Kirill.
Patriarch Kirill recalled that Putin’s father had recommended him to join the CPSU.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №136196
 23.11.2016
One evening on March 8th, I saw a sleeping and drunk man in a semi-empty subway car. He somehow miraculouslyined a vertical position on the seat, and in his hands had bare stems of a bouquet of flying flowers. There was something touching in this scene.

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