bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №135624
 05.11.2016
Speaking of Potatoes:

pfff, yeah, in the army I used a regular peanut knife not a ton of potatoes.
Q: Do you believe it, right?? to
I am happy to believe
Zero is not alone.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №135623
 05.11.2016
I have a sixth size! Can you tell me where to buy a puzzle?

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №135622
 05.11.2016
<(((VETER> Children ask the question where I have not been

<Tradasten> (((VETER: Judging by a bunch of mistakes - in school.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №135621
 05.11.2016
Running for the weekend to his parents, there was a dialogue with his father about replacing the battery in the car:
I - need to take the bush, as it was, turns well in any frost
Father, what is the problem?
I - so ten thousand is a pity, but a long-lasting 10 years is enough
Father, you can’t live for so long.
What is O_O? Per you thought the car’t live that long?
Yes, yes, that kind of thing))

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135620
 05.11.2016
xxx: I am not able to admin myself because I am paranoid of the constantly hanging potential danger)
yyy: Translate it into kinetic.) Send it away.
XXX: This is a good method!

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №135619
 05.11.2016
Grother: I thought he was just trolling that he was a fool
Grother: I even thought about protesting a little bit, protecting the guy
Grother: But then he started opening beer with a mercury thermometer.
Grother: And here I understood a lot.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №135618
 05.11.2016
Called from Bali.
Would you like to switch to a new tariff more expensive and use the internet at maximum speed?
I already have LTE.
There will be 4G.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №135617
 05.11.2016
I am not paranoid.

I am not going to eat cream.
Because there is a pill.
I will not drink from the bowl.
Because there is a pill.
I will not bite the headphone.
Because there is a pill.
I will not sleep on a chair.
Because there is a pill.
I will not beat the walls,
Because there is a pill.
I will not put the carpet.
Because there is a pill.
I will not smell the guest.
Because there is a pill!
I will not even wash.
A pill in the right leg?
You can think anything,
I am not a paranoid.
No one succeeded
Cheat the cat twice.
If you have trouble,
Take your own pills.
Cats are always treated.
From the power of thought.

Francesco Marquuliano, The Case of Wet Boots

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135616
 05.11.2016
<Deposit> It is done!!! Own wire defense, just announced that IE is malicious and needs to be removed)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135615
 05.11.2016
gt
xxx: a much more interesting prospect seems to make individual light-emitting diodes smart
xxx: Imagine the news: a test stand for LED tape accidentally struck a small country!

[ + 21 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135614
 05.11.2016
Legio: and, in the fifth, removed in the classes requirements for aliments
Legio: Some combinations still look weird
So that is. Can a fellow now rob, kill, and goat someone there, and at the same time pray and receive plugs from Tyrus?
He still has a vow.
This is OK. Cut out the goose.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135613
 05.11.2016
and Ogo:

There are 5 billion potential dead people in the world.

Well, how do you live in 1987, and most importantly, how do you write us from there?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135612
 05.11.2016
Finally came out on the premiere of Dr. Strange. As a person who is not the first time to come to a Marvel movie, I am sure there will be 2 scenes after the titles (wow, I actually read this in a large publication that I trust). I went to the cinema not alone, but with two friends. So here we sit. The film ends, the titles begin. My friends were quick to get out, but I told them I was waiting for two scenes after the titles. One comrade proposed to leave now and watch the scenes at home, apparently doubting that they would be at all, and the other noticed that the tickets were paid for 200 rubles, and this, in his opinion, is a serious reason to stay and wait. After short titles appeared the first scene, followed by long titles. There was no one in the room except us and the cleaner, and there was, as I understand, an administrator. She urged us to release the room. Friends rushed out. The garbage cleaner assured us that "there will be no second scene," and the administrator said, "Well you, you understand that we have tabs, why do you look at these "letters," there will be no second scene." My friends left, I handed away my 3D glasses, threw out the garbage and stayed looking. The administrator waved her hand toward the movie projector (I don't know what she wanted to say to the person sitting there with this gesture), took her glasses and went out to check the tickets from the spectators who went to the session. I stood near the entrance and waited for my stage. Yes, the titles were really long, and I looked at them together with the new spectators who came to the last session today. It remains only to guess what was their surprise when they all sat down and saw the fattening spoiler in the form of a second scene after the titles...

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135611
 05.11.2016
During my student years I had a friend. He lived next to the universe and all the time boasted that he was just a road to cross, rather than standing in traffic jams in public transport every morning for an hour and a half, and in general his parents would soon eat and leave him this house. At first it seemed funny, but over time it started to get bored.



And here one cold winter day my friend comes into the universe all so sad and sad. The next dialogue (I - I, a friend - D):

I: What happened, what is so sad?

D: Well, the hell, the parents came up to come and sell the house, and not to leave me, you see if they need money, and I need this house as a family, I don't want to move.

I was kidding, joking about what I was doing. I thought it would end here, but it wasn’t here. The apartment was sold to a student. I didn’t know about it yet, but my friend already had a plan to regain his fortress.



It’s been two years since my friend left his home. and autumn. 1 of September. Start of graduation course. I didn’t see him all summer, and the first thing I heard from him during the meeting were the words: “Hi Sanya, I’m getting married, I’m inviting a witness to the wedding.” To say that I am shaken is to say nothing. It turns out that this guy all these 2 years flogged for that student girl, and it came to the wedding, he married and moved to his old twin. Then I realized that he was either a complete idiot or an unrecognized genius. They still live together in the same duo.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135610
 05.11.2016
The grandmothers near the entrance are very cute.

He is beautiful with you, nice.

thank you.

Who is working?

The programmer.

Do you write programs?

and ah.

In which newspaper?

I am sitting...

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №135609
 05.11.2016
A small step for a man, a big step for mankind.
Could you be less pathetic for coffee?

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №135608
 05.11.2016
For some reason, under the umbrella of tolerance, we are persistently coupled with varieties of masochism.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №135607
 05.11.2016
I apologize in advance, this is not a fun story.
But I want to tell her - it hurts a lot of negativity in the life of the site, these good ones, those bad ones, those generous ones, but those who don't know how to cook, but these people love to eat and drink and don't wipe their ass.
This is the story of people who generously and powerfully came to help me.
Having buried my wife, I was forced to immediately return to work - the money and credit cards ended, the two deposits under the house ended, in short - everything.
In front of me was bankruptcy and loss of home, starting to work I could expect money not earlier than in a month.
Apathy and a feeling of loss did not contribute to the struggle, I did not want to fight - I did not want anything, honestly.
Then something happened that I did not expect—help came.
I have helped all my life, never asked for help.
To be honest, I was shocked.
The three-born brother called with sympathy and asked for the address.
I sent a large check - I am an officer, I call him, I say I can't accept, I'm sorry, take in debt, you'll return when you can...
Strong support from relatives was replaced by the support of colleagues, let the hat around the circle and poured thousands there.
But then, the nurses put their hats around the circle with the sanitaries, the people are exactly not wealthy - they brought me such help - just huge.
I was overwhelmed by such – unexpectedly – problems moved from place, my cousin sat down for the phone and destroyed everything in a day.
And all this with additions and a loving mother - with the help of my friend, they shattered all the most urgent affairs and wrapped up a very decent plow, with a watermelon.
And I was suffocating... there was hope. Afterwards, he confessed to me, how bad my deeds were, how much effort it cost me to keep me floating.
They were replaced by neighbors - to the right and to the left, wives came to see me, went into the refrigerator, threw everything old and filled with food.
The men repaired the falling fence, drank and ate the ordered pizza. But for a long time my neighbor was preparing lunch and left me to eat at the window of my kitchen.
Years passed, I returned them all with their kindness, with the volume of my grateful soul.
You ask – where did it happen?
What are the extraordinary people?
No, the most ordinary people... And what’s the difference—where did it happen?
I know it could happen everywhere, kindness and mercy are planetary.
Maybe it’s time to apologize for my confession and say goodbye, wishing everyone good health and happiness.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №135606
 05.11.2016
Another one behind the apartment.
(Depardieu on the Seagal)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135605
 05.11.2016
Conversation between two employees:
He is going on a trip:
What else to bring you from your trip?
Without lifting her head from the keyboard.
- serial numbers of equipment of this mushostransk unit.

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