bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №136468
 01.12.2016
Announced by:
Additional earnings in time free from poverty

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №136467
 01.12.2016
Someone came in the morning and talked like this:
Welcome to the first day of winter!
E. What happened before that?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №136466
 01.12.2016
gdhg: Here on Monday during the celebration of DR Cyril switching channels hit appeared on the channel Spas and there was a live broadcast of this action. The Patriarch went to the temple of Christ the Savior. How pathetic is it. Expensive cars, security, gold, carpets, all covered for miles around. In general a pepper.
It’s not gold, it’s titanium carbide, it’s salt... it shines like gold, but in fact it’s just salt.
Andrei Simon: Yes, and cars are not cars at all, they are butterflies like that.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №136465
 01.12.2016
A colleague got in an accident, crashed into an armor on the road. I decided to share photos.
The manager enters the office:
"Nahera, you put a picture of your stick in our work folder!"
...
Gogot in the office lasted a minute.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №136464
 01.12.2016
Amazing creatures are these domestic animals. Dogs look at us from the bottom up, cats from the top down, and only pigs look at us like equals.
Winston Churchill

Now I understand why you don’t eat pork.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №136463
 01.12.2016
We moved all the department to the electronics and somehow undetectable changed the name of the cigarette to the steamer. We were scared by the new question "let's go with the pair discuss". When the half of both sexes rose from the seats, by the pale face of her face everything was understood and had to be explained)))

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №136462
 01.12.2016
In fact, when you open these boxes in 100 years, it is usually written shit full. These were the pioneers of the boxes. What did they write?
“We, young pioneers of the city of Oka, greet our glorious comrades in the future! Somewhere in 2005. “We envy you because you live under communism.”

I suddenly remembered how before graduation we were writing letters to the future. Opened a year ago. The best was recognized as this:

"I hope you have not obeyed".
A painting of Tyrannosaurus on the whole sheet.

Healthy printed letters:
"And don’t get married before thirty!"

This is always relevant.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №136461
 01.12.2016
For what I love my girlfriend, it is for the ability to shake up with sudden SMS:

15:48 Dick is interested in the question: has the female consciousness been transferred into the male body, will she be able to manage them right away or not? There is the center of gravity of the other, and so on.
02:43 The bumping commands on the chicken legs can be considered as the simplest programming.) I just try to sleep.)
14:25 The ducks crossed my way. Are there any signs of this case?
03:08 What was the name of Brother Shao??? [A very important question in the middle of the night, especially given that the character was mentioned 1 time in all 4 volumes and without a name.]
Why is Jokonda a symbol of France and the Louvre, if the artist is an Italian?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №136460
 01.12.2016
What to do if you fell on the rails in the subway.
xxx: And a person with a radius of more than half a meter, it turns out, will not fit in a slope?
YYY: I understood everything, everything is planned! A person with a radius of half a meter will simply not pass through the turniket.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №136459
 01.12.2016
Yesterday, an event that broke the pattern. I go out for a walk with the dog, it is cold, dark, there is snow, at the entrance there is a typical Uzbek in a sportswear and a clothed hat. Trembling on the phone. And here I will stumble.
"... the erda is ten. Kerak olмок kursatikich sixteen-pointed key, da..."

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №136458
 01.12.2016
zzz: Four hours of a very lengthy trial generate some skepticism about justice.

- Witness, you just said that the boss ordered you to transfer money, and it was a routine procedure.
Yes, it was so.
But stand up! Here in your testimony, given during the investigation, it says: “I transferred the money on the order of the accused, who threatened us with terrible penalties, I cried, the boss cried, everyone cried, but was transferred because they were afraid. And also he barmalayes and eats small children.
Hm... yes yes. All was so. This is a more accurate description.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №136457
 01.12.2016
Why do people get married?
Borst moves people.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №136456
 01.12.2016
And I’m curious – why is it – such a problem – to add a forum on debabals? so that they answer there. At least because it is never funny. And they need.
The answer is – go. Collect the Signatures

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136455
 01.12.2016
>>> and sad above all the fact that we have living conditions such that such people generally exist.

Now, let’s talk about living conditions. In all major cities, at least in our half-millionaire, there are centers of social adaptation of persons without a certain place of residence and occupation. Every boy knows about their existence and even sometimes appears there - to wash, sleep a couple of days and drop back on the street. Because in these centers you can’t drink and you need to work at least a little. Therefore, it is easier to dig up to the patrol that passes by than to squeeze to that center.
And in general, yes, sad that there are such people, but the conditions of life here absolutely have nothing to do with it.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136454
 01.12.2016
I played the role of a villain with the task of stealing a bottle of toxic gas. The balloon stole, it is time to board the shuttle of emergency evacuation. I approach the shuttle landing compartment, there the mints whisper everybody. I cried, I thought, what should I do? Pumped the gas from a special balloon into a balloon with oxygen from the scavenger, passed the control. During the flight, I was suspected of something, arrested, placed in a prison compartment (the balloon remained at the place of arrest). Then the rabbits rebelled, took out the compartment, the rabbits fled. I rush to the balloon, and there is a deceased scientist sitting in a scavenger with my balloon connected in his hands. There was a surprise for him. This is the game, EFT.
Real freedom, and not "navel mouse- pressed".

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №136453
 01.12.2016
I live in a dormitory. I decided one evening to eat something sweet, the good thing we have a buffet on the first floor. I go down to the buffet and it’s closed. Well, fig with him, I go back, and a girl of giant volumes descends on the stairs to meet me and recount the little things in the palm. Passing by, he thought to help, and shouted down, “The buffet is closed.” In response to “Have you choked?”

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №136452
 01.12.2016
When I was 12, the whole small military town was shocked by the news – Larissa from the eighth is pregnant, and does not know which of the two. The school in the city is one, so about "the whole city" - not an exaggeration, and the times were such that a pregnant minor was an extremely rare and shocking case.

In general, even those parents who until recently were embarrassed to talk to puppies about pesticides and pineapples, understood: they will still have to. My mom, who even thought the word “shoulder” was terribly disgraceful, red and pale, told something about eggs and sperm, a neighbor, a lieutenant colonel, showed wisdom and organizational abilities and called a school teen doctor from a local clinic to read a lecture on scientific research.

In general, the story is not flaming, if not one "but". Twenty years have passed, and the same Larisa now leads a social organization that demands to ban sex education classes in schools because they corrupt children!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №136451
 01.12.2016
Jana Lisicina: Oh, I had a personal exhibition. And the journalist asked, “Who did you study with?” and “I am the schedule, for me Dürer is everything.” "Durero..." – I played my favorite song. "And in which university of Irkutsk he teaches?" asked the Journalist recording. “He no longer teaches, for he is dead,” I answered, and we mourned.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №136450
 01.12.2016
Life is a tragedy for those who live by feelings, a comedy for fools, and a farce for those who live by reason.

[ + 42 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136449
 01.12.2016
The Bank. The evening. There are 10 minutes until the end of the day. There are no clients, the hall is empty, the girls behind the stands are already at a low start, all the documents are counted and picked up. And then a messy client enters the room. I was in a hurry to close the bank. He runs to the box, where the loans are paid, and cries:
The girl! You are... find me!
The girl behind the stand blows him with a sad look and gives:
So hide...

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