bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124129
 08.02.2016
- In the Western press is widely discussed the possibility of the beginning of the Third World War because of the Latvian city of Daugavpils
The root of all the problems of the world has finally been found. —Daugavpils. ISIS in Syria has exhaled, Iran and Israel have crossed, North and South Koreans have embraced, the center of the world’s problems has shifted to Latvia – do they themselves know?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №124128
 08.02.2016
Xxx: On the catwalks, nach. And in the tombs!

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №124127
 08.02.2016
by Girhasha:
Yesterday, walking around the Tsaritsino, decided to go in the greenhouse. We listened to a piece of excursion. The excursion was for children (class 3–5, probably).
The guide to bring the story to the medicinal plants shows the children the image of the plague doctor:
Look at it, kids! Doctors were dressed like this. Yes, and these doctors went home to patients. Do you know why he has such a sting?
The children were not disturbed:
Because the devil is the sanitary of the forest!

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №124126
 08.02.2016
And to him who confuses the endless cycle with recursion, I will put the biber on repeat and shut up in the audience!

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №124125
 08.02.2016
You are a masochist.

All these princes are stories. The cute guys. The female hipsters. by Tifou. A man does not have to be beautiful. A man must be a predator. And terrible. One eyebrow is shorter than the other. Eyes of different colors. Probably not one at all. A sparkle of sparkle. A scarring in all of it. and nose. The lips are compressed into a strip. The grandmother should tremble when she sees a man, and not ask what creams he is lubricating. Should be afraid. That during sex I looked at him and thought, “Bl* how scary. It would have ended faster. I want to be with my mom".

And I don’t want to be scared, scared of me and without a man. Why such victims?

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №124124
 08.02.2016
My mother and husband went to Sri Lanka. Mom speaks a little English, and there are constantly all sorts of men who try to divorce for money. And not just for money.
He writes now: "I’ve picked up the men to cut off. I speak from the Muslim country. Zea May Hasbend. Ol queshens tu him"
They are to him.

And he is a thunder bass: "What do we need? Everyone was fed. I don’t understand anything"

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124123
 08.02.2016
If you were to sit a little closer, I'd have you for such jokes.
If I were a little closer, I’t be joking.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №124122
 08.02.2016
Description of defects by the client:

The inconvenience:
When working with the program, you have to press different buttons.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №124121
 08.02.2016
to this:

My cat is not affectionate at all and not handy at all. Sometimes I can beat her, even when she is asleep. I bought Suluguni cheese today, well, you know, it's sold in the box. I printed it at home, the tail instantly met, began to ring circles around me, murmuring. And when she realized that it didn’t work, she jumped on her knees and even let herself squeeze a little. I gave her a small piece of food as a reward. Now I know your weak spot, mouthless face! andquot;

This swollen face now knows your weak spot.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №124120
 08.02.2016
here here :
A friend described what Nva-Chevrole is:
This is when the Chevrolet factory is brought to Russia, set up, launched, and Niva is obtained at the exit.

Well, it’s all right, as in that joke: “I told you that the place is cursed, and you’re all hands out of your ass!” Hands out of your ass!"

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №124119
 08.02.2016
From Daily News:
"Europe has developed a new package of sanctions."

Too many packages, they probably already have a package with packages, no other.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124118
 08.02.2016
Answer from Yahoo.

What would happen if we landed a rocket and sent it to the moon? In the eternal full moon, he will always be a wolf.

Like children are small. It is not the light of a full moon, but the light of a full moon that passes through the Earth’s atmosphere. Since there is no atmosphere on the moon, the reverse will be a human.

This is a story for fantasy.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №124117
 08.02.2016
Comments to discussing the fact that the picture is banned because of the text that mentions "Okkam's shaving." Roskomnadzor believes that this is another way of committing suicide:

Beating with philosophical stones. Poisoning from Russell’s tea. Explode on the tape of Mobyus.
Foolleren By the way, the latter option is quite possible physically.
The Tiger is drunk to death from the Clayne bottle.
Isden Shake up to death with Calabi washer - Yao.
impwx to smell the dust of Fatou from the carpet of Serpinsky.
NikRag Description of drug intake - in another section.
hdfan2 Go to the Schrödinger Box. Maybe with a cat.
Until the box is opened, no one can know if it is a way of suicide.
Sumanai drowned in the sea of Dirac.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №124116
 08.02.2016
I went out of the store yesterday, slippery, wet, ugly. Tired, I barely have my legs. Here the man is adjusted and, literally in the back, the breath follows me. By side-sighting, I see that he is healthy, you can't escape from this, and no one on the street. I was almost overwhelmed by fear. I turn around halfway, and this monster, seeing my shaken eyes, declares, “Girl, don’t be afraid, I’m just following in your footsteps. The shoes are new, I don’t want to get dirty.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №124115
 08.02.2016
But here is the presence of my mom in the apartment at this time... Well, I don’t know who has such disenchanted families, but this is the ppc...

The joke:
A young Jewish couple comes to the doctor. He complains that nothing goes out in bed.
Try to change the posture. Go back to the left side!
Face to Mother?! to

In short, we have a couple that doesn’t bother my mom at home. It does not hinder the absence of a drive on the door (which is very easy to put), and that the door is not closed. It disturbs the cat. I think they have complexes, right?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №124114
 08.02.2016
Geography in 7th grade. Passing through the theme of climate zones and their flora and fauna, the lecturer reads a poem as an example:
- In the north, the wild man stands alone on the naked top... - and encourages silence, allowing the children themselves to name the all-known representative of the flora.
A confused silence prevails.
Silence is prolonged.
Finally, the silence is broken by a timid assumption:
The goat?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124113
 08.02.2016
Former military personnel at work always turn on half the lamps in the office, if the switch allows.
The question, why?

For all the military, I will not say, but in the Air Force, for example, all important systems are commonly duplicated. Accordingly, half of the lamps light, the other half - in the reserve

All peaceful heaven, your cap!

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №124112
 08.02.2016
On NNM discussion of the news about a cyclist who found an electric motor in the bicycle:

derevyaha: at one time some stangist so disqualified - found a housewife in the ass!

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №124111
 08.02.2016
xxx: Can you explain to me, as a humanist, the difference between the infinite cycle and the infinite recursion?
YYY: But look here:
The king had a courtyard, and in the courtyard was a bow.
Start again, it’s an endless cycle.
Pop had a dog, he loved it.
She ate a piece of meat and he killed her.
He buried in the pit, put the cross, wrote:... - it is an infinite recursion.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №124110
 08.02.2016
How many films have been made about the dog that reveals crimes? A billion! And I suggest making a movie about a dog – a criminal genius! The movie "Julia" In the roles: Dužev, Bezrukov and others.

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