I am at work, admin. Behind the wall, the findirector and the head of the company are loudly and emotionally discussing the price of the transition to the new version 1c.
They clearly divorce us for money!! I looked at the contract - there even a slide marked "a thick customer"!!! to

Unfortunately, in order for the child to say so, it is necessary that he has already seen it. He doesn’t know that he can beat his mother.
and
You probably do not have children. From anywhere the child could take this and apply it to the situation, for example, dad said to him, when you are offended in the kindergarten, you do not say anything, approach and immediately be. Or he could have seen on TV how the ‘good’ beat the bad. Or in a computer game played and someone (papa, mom, friend) said " approach him and be". There are millions of options, and not all are bad. If he saw his dad beating his mom, he’t ask for it—either because it’s happening, why ask, or because it looks awful.

One day my best friend decided to go on a diet. Well, you know this classic diet: in the morning black coffee and toast, for lunch chicken breasts without salt and salad leaves. And since we rented the apartment together, I was forced to sit on that diet. for the support. For the third day, I lie without strength on the couch and say:

I feel like I have super abilities. Especially the super smell. Here I hear on the 2nd floor in the apartment number 40 cooking soup. of beef. Probably with a housekeeper. What a delicious.

In fact, I just opened the cat’s canned food. I feel like they have to be hidden from you.

In the cave of the Vilnius Church of the Holy Spirit rest the remains of 600 citizens: representatives of the clergy, nobility and middle class. In 2011, Lithuanian anthropologists began to investigate the surviving bodies and among them found a partially mummified body of a 2-4-year-old child of unknown sex.
YYY: Per not a certain gender?

Microsoft has admitted that after the update some users lose access to the Internet. They are advised to do the following: restart. If it didn’t help, go to their website to solve the problem.

Carpet, carpet, carpet, carpet, carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet, carpet carpet,

The self-suicide

I work as a sysadmin in production. I have a Commercial Director (D).
In the weekend we plan to transfer everyone to a new mail server, the old is terribly dumb.
Call from D

D: We have everything bad in the Fed, the mail is shit.
I: Let us put it on Saturday and open it all new.
D: I need time.
I: Well okay, each of your employees will be fired for an hour because of the comp.
D is NO! They don’t write to me and don’t cheat. Do it at night.
I am OK...
Q: Why is it still not working?! to
I: Because I was asked at night...
D: I need to be happy!
I: So I bet on everyone?
D: They cannot be distracted.

I’m a carousel like this.)

We sit down with a loved one (we have three children for two, this is important), we drink coffee, we watch the clip.
When he saw it, he asked:
Why do girls always have smaller cars than boys?
“So from life is an example,” I answer, “your car is also bigger than mine?
Once in two...
Your house is bigger than mine.
Once in two...
You weigh more than me.
Once in two!
You have twice as many children as me.
And it is true.

I usually walk in contact lenses, and then something got into the eye, he got slightly inflamed, the doctor told me to go on glasses for a week.

In the morning (approximately five or nine), I go to the office. A colleague who also walks in lenses immediately reacts:

What, the eyes of lack of sleep do not open to the full width?! to

Employees of Eldorado are discounted for the New Year corporate for 1999 rubles.

Don’t be sad, comrade
We have a way out.
Out of my ass.
In the light toilet.

Yes, simply "mysantrop" - the word is beautiful, and no matter what it means - its presence will adorn any text. As well as "oligofren", for example...

"And Ellochka looked at Fima Dog with respect. Madmuazel Dog was heard as a cultural girl — in her dictionary there were about one hundred and eighty words. At the same time, she knew one word that Elloche could not even dream of. It was a rich word — homosexuality."

I am dead by documents.
You have to pay the property tax, lol.
I will declare my house a cemetery.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXX: places on the cemetery to a quarter of the lama before stood
xxx: you can allocate thirty meters under the storage
Neighbors from below will be pleased.
xxx: buried in the floor for six feet
Let the neighbors understand.
XX: We have done our part of the type
zzz: and to the pretext to answer "What hule did you settle under the cemetery?"

This is where old age came to me.

I woke up at half five this morning. It was five o’clock and I didn’t sleep. He got up and went to the kitchen. Drinking tea and reading. When the wife and children got up, it turned out that all this time I was bragging something, breathing - hindering them from sleeping.

But it is OK. I was sitting at work, I had paperwork. Tired and... He slept. Right sitting on a chair. I woke up from what broke up. It was quiet, but colleagues heard it.

It is now irritated by the old pearl.

and confused.

I work in the boiler. The responsibility of our organization includes the service of electricity BU and residential town. A colleague told the story. Further from his words.





I went to inspect the car of the residential town. I go into the dining room, the cook (woman) looks at me with the look "what do you need?" I answered:



I came for inspection.



Where are the gloves?



...??? to



Where are your gloves?



What kind of gloves? And I thought, “Is it dielectric? “I just came to see them, I just came to look.”



The Medical. Are you going to look at us right here?

I have a friend, an uncle, 50 years old. Funny such: he really likes to argue about the best Soviet education in the world and at the same time believes in all the crazy conspiracy theories read on the internet. As a result, he serves them with pathos - say, we, Soviet-educated people, understand this, and you are living in ignorance, unhappy children of the EGE.

His latest hobby is the hypothesis that modern children begin to speak late, because they are little breastfed and drunk with cow's milk - for instance, they are mowing like calves! But when our ancestors fed babies with a breastfeeding until the end, everyone could have a conversation for a year, read books at two... It is told loudly, artistically, with pathos.

The employee, sitting in the corner, can’t stand, and as if himself, but says loud enough:

and ah. I see somebody here being fed milk!

The government ordered Rosneft to receive 692 billion rubles from the sale of 19,5% of Rosneft. But the value of the package, fixed in euros, for a week after the announcement of the deal has already fallen by 30 billion rubles."The benchmark of fabulous dolboebism... Fix the value in euros, foolishly, parallelly plunging the course of the euro to the ruble with agreements on the restriction of oil production...

The acquaintance, by kindness of the soul, submitted a "wise" article from a glamorous magazine with pictures. How important it is to believe in yourself and everything will be great. I have not laughed so long ago! Approximately at the end of this opus is the call:"Really a miracle – believe in yourself.".... It’s like comrades, but only beasts... Now I’m considered even stranger than usual)))

The difference in temperature perception.
One day, while on a business trip to Nadym, I walked around the city for an hour. I was unspeakably surprised when I saw the temperature on the street board: -33. It seemed, no less than -10.
P.S I am Moscow.

I needed the money, it was on my wife’s account. Further from her words:

I come to the gathering, I take the bill, I defend the line, I approach the window, I say - I want to take off 50 thousand. The ruble. The operator takes the documents, checks everything, says “good” and “hangs.” Just sit for one or two minutes. Waiting for something.

My wife: Is something wrong? Who are we waiting?

Operator: To remove more than 50 thousand requires confirmation of the second operator, and it is now busy.

My wife: But I’m making 50,000 and not more.

Operator: Anyway, starting with 50 thousand we have a ban program. Wait for the second operator, she is now signing a contract with the customer, will be released in five minutes. (Aha, she is... )

My wife: Okay Then I want to remove 49 thousand 999 rubles... So can I? ; )

The operator stumbles for a few seconds.

Operator: Yes I can. Do you have a ruble?

He gives my wife 50 thousand rubles, my wife gives him a ruble.



He came, told me, and was struck. I say then I should have added, "and now I want to take off another ruble."