bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №123548
 25.01.2016
My son 3 years. We Dinner. It begins to melt. I ask him:

You are who?

and cat.

And who am I?

You are a cat.

This is who? (I am referring to my dad)

This is our master!

The Patriarchate)

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123547
 25.01.2016
We live in a new building in the south of Yekate, I can hear the press. Tonight I came from work, I hear from above: Zaya, I cooked borscht, let’s go eat. My half added loudly: ah, so cooked that the smell of burning beetles across the entrance. The answer from above delivered: Listen, smart, let the beans measure.

Life did not prepare me for that.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №123546
 25.01.2016
xxxh: Here I was joking about the "buffet lady Lucia" - my records are liked by some left-handed Lyudmila, who works in the buffet

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №123545
 25.01.2016
With Geektimes:
A>Thank you very much for the detailed explanation.
But does this mean that the specified lead-210 and polonium-210 in equal proportions (with tobacco) is also absorbed by other plants that we consume in food, for example, crop?
B> Do not smoke the crap!

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №123544
 25.01.2016
You are like a Jewish spider man. You rush to help for free, but now you save for money.

[ + 38 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123543
 25.01.2016
I have recently ordered near Teremka (fast food), suitable for a family couple of thirty years. The worker at the box office, addressing the young man, asks: "Sudar, what do you want to order?" The man does not pay attention to the cashier. The worker repeats: "The crash?" The young man, a little rushed: "Is this you for me?Then he turns to his wife and says, "Look, you see how they turn here - 'Sudar' and you only call me a fool!"

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №123542
 25.01.2016
Working with our grandfather, recently celebrated the 80th anniversary.And one of his favorite songs “Elsa". He radio louder does, sings, sometimes dances, in general enjoys life.I don't even want to say that there sings not Elsa, but "Hand's up" gr. and Ottawan.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №123541
 25.01.2016
The dumb shit, which was lazy to go out and she added garbage to the rubbish pipeline, as well as the licking dwarfs - it's no joke! How you haven’t gotten your shit yet, degenerates...

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №123540
 25.01.2016
Lost in 19407
And not-amebas (like you, yes) would be able to read.
The key thought in history, which you so frantically unravel, was in another: either do, but don’t complain, or don’t do. All of. No one suggested not to try, they suggested not to put tons of verbal garbage in the ears of other people about dissatisfaction with the results of their own actions.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №123539
 25.01.2016
Have you ordered tickets?
YYY : No. I ordered day.
YYY: What are your preferences?
XXX in the meaning?
A. Coupé for two persons
Tagged: Figase
YYY: Are you serious?
You asked me about my preferences.
What do you like: above or below?
XXX: No, I’m not serious
I have an unusual taste.
YYY: The upper side :D
XXX: The Sick Fool

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №123538
 25.01.2016
Dima: I’m going to Castlerock, are you with me?
dudeonthehorse: And what will we do there?
We will change clothes.
Dudeonthehorse: The most convincing argument in the world

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №123537
 25.01.2016
The kitchen door opens inside. I am inside, the cat too. The cat begins to scream and tries to open the door, crashing into it. But I know that he knows that the door opens to himself. A minute passes. The Cat Oret. I say to him: "Fuck!" The cat looks around, then silently opens the door with his lap and goes out for his cat affairs.

[ + 10 - ] Comment quote №123536
 25.01.2016
The Krasnodar district court blocked the website of the seller of food products prohibited for import in the Russian Federation.

In connection with the fact that the distribution on the Internet of information, the distribution of which is prohibited, has a significant negative impact on the legal consciousness of citizens, as well as the rights and legitimate interests of an indefinite circle of persons, the court considers it necessary to turn the decision to immediate execution.

Thinking of Hamon is already a crime of thought.
Burn to God!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №123535
 25.01.2016
They bring once in the winter to the "ambulance" baby from a distant hut on their transport. The woman lies on the back seat of “Moskovich”, stands. They brought her out to bring her home (he was near the emergency).



She is watching, and her baby’s head is already shaking between her legs. His head is dressed in... a cap. Everyone fell into the precipice, and Daddy explains:

He came in, and he used. I dressed him so he didn’t get a cold. Winter anyway.

So sometimes they are born not only in shirts, but also in caps...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №123534
 25.01.2016
Medium is pleased.
Offers a game:"Let you, mom, be a monster and you will pursue me and I will run away!"
I am:"Let me go. What kind of monster am I?"
son: "Eye...and let you be very terrible...HABBUL!"
I (restrained from the last strength):" And what does it look like and what does it do" :D
Son: It looks like a terrible big gorilla with nails. He runs after everybody, cries and cries!and "

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №123533
 25.01.2016
Patriarch of Moscow and All Russia Kirill on Monday, January 25, Tatyana's day, congratulated Russian students. Today, looking at modern students, you, my dear ones, I wish you not to be lazy. Do not regret yourself in your studies, do not be distracted by all the flow of excessive, rubbish information, which overwhelms you every day", - says the address of the patriarch on his page in the social network "In contact"."
Yyy: In particular, my dear ones, do not read all the shit I write in contact.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №123532
 25.01.2016
Interview with the bodybuilder:

Is there an official Bodybuilder Day in the year?

and no. We came from Podolsk, our local bodybuilders celebrate their holiday on Chemical Day.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №123531
 25.01.2016
1: Yesterday, the silver-colored DPS car, turning on the flashes, caused us to stop and then crashed into our back without having time to stop.
2: Looking for the details! deprived of the right? Is it caught in the cage?
3: And they will probably be given a medal for the most dangerous pursuit and tarantula!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №123530
 25.01.2016
From the forum...
How to teach a husband to suck in the shell?
Hang the shell 10 cm higher.

[ + 12 - ] Comment quote №123529
 25.01.2016
I stand on the balcony, smoke, drink whiskey, dawn, grace...
Suddenly I see out of the dark window in front of the cockroach, and falls on the passing man under the windows.
The dialogue struck me with its simplicity:
"You are out!?" from below
"Let me walk under the windows at five in the morning!"
"I will go up and fuck you" - from below
"And I will go down and fuck you" - up
"I would get up, the current read me lazy, I’m tired" – from below
"I would go down, the electricity is reading me up... Okay, while the guy"
"Okay, so far, it was nice to meet" - from below...
I don’t understand the lies are all to blame, the intelligents have fought.

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