bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №123704
 29.01.2016
My husband complained that I became inadequate with the birth of my child due to mood changes. They were in visits to acquaintances, the wife of one told how she went to walk with a wheelchair after childbirth, hiding a knife in her pocket, because she was afraid that they would be attacked by gastarbayters, and the second - how she arranged a scandal in the nursery, because she decided that she was replaced by a child.
I feel like I’m the queen of balance again.

[ + 18 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123703
 29.01.2016
Tagged: lambersexual
Is this the new type of cheese? O_O

[ + 14 - ] Comment quote №123702
 29.01.2016
Parents who want to raise their children themselves
You just can’t imagine all these joys and the amount of work.
You will have enough for a maximum of a week.
Then the child will grow like a weed grass, or it will stumble on the grandmother.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №123701
 29.01.2016
XX: Tell me, what else would you like to read like this, what did you read?
yyy: the jazz harmony textbook of Chugunov, no longer read anything...
xxx: well enough) has figured out in jazz harmony - you will understand at least in quantum mechanics)
YYY: After that I started programming.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123700
 29.01.2016
I understand the female logic.
You are betraying me!
and no.
You might have confessed if you betrayed me. You are not confessing now! Everything goes well!!! to

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №123699
 29.01.2016
I went to Ikea with my husband at night. Driving 10 to 15 minutes. Looking at the clock, I see that we are already 20 minutes on the free road.
Have we gone through our turn?
Husband, with a smile jokes - Aha, we passed.
It changes in the face in two minutes.
And indeed, we passed...

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123698
 29.01.2016
to this:

I got a little bit of the stupidity of the question: a man with a diploma from one of the top universities of our vast one asks such a question, did he live up to 25 years and not learn to read the names of the laws.

I worked in a television company. A series of radio guides were announced. I read a few short news. One of the applicants was seriously reading about some samey. I must admit, I didn’t know for a long time what Samei was. Until I realized - so he reads the abbreviation of the media.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №123697
 29.01.2016
The strange incident occurred in one of the apartment houses in Amsterdam. At the call of neighbors, the police came to rescue a crying victim of domestic violence. As it turned out, the “terrible screams” were not a plea for help, but a loud singing: the man performed an arias in his headphones.

The unfortunate singer was arrested by the police. Police confirmed that they, like their neighbors, were alerted by screams from the apartment. But the trouble was not caused by a domestic tyrant, but by an ordinary lover of music, by the way, one who was in the apartment.


[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №123696
 29.01.2016
I work in the center of Moscow, parking around is paid and on that, you understand, there are no free places. Lunch I usually go to a café with panoramic windows facing the road. Directly my favorite activity, I sit on a hammer and watch other people's machines evacuator takes, the movie is straight. The car is packed in 3 minutes. I went to the cafe, buy a coffee shop with you, go out... But it’s not so... Recently I started to notice some symbiosis, because people still have time to run out of the cafe in most cases and “save” their car, then people who go to offices or banks, things are obviously not fast and there are no windows. And so... The evacuator is behind the corner of the house smoking, at this time the caring taxi driver noticed a potential target (which entered the office for example) calls the evacuator, he immediately packed the car and was such, the taxi driver only and there is something to do, waiting for a confused victim. You can take a taxi when you know everything. All at work.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №123695
 29.01.2016
I recently had such a conversation with a girl.

Why do you have this nickname, Phil?

At that time, I was engaged in a handball fight.

Was that your name for the fighting style?

Well... almost...

Is it how?

"Well, when I got in the breath, I closed my eyes, pulled my hands to breathe and smiled ridiculously, natural Phyllin.

Not too heroic.

But honestly :-(

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №123694
 29.01.2016
In the car service I do maintenance, I am in the remson, I listen to the conversations of mechanics.
To the master of change (MS) suits the mechanic (M).
M: There the client came, he was in the car "g-g-g".
MS (shaking the tail): Well go, understand it.
It passes 2 hours.
M: There the client wants to leave and pick up the car.
MS: So what, did you figure it out?
M: Not quite, but there now instead of "g-g-g" sounds "sh-sh-sh".
MS: Is it suitable for him?
M: Yes, he wants to leave.
MS: Okay, give it up.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №123693
 29.01.2016
I sit in front of the PC and almost cry. On the screen images on the request "gangrene, tissue necrosis". The husband:

What happened?

With shaking hands, I show the daughter's finger on her leg, the skin is cracked, inside and on the edges black. The husband looks carefully, salivates and rubs. There were worshippers from the coats.

I’m afraid to cut off this dumb internet.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №123692
 29.01.2016
xxx: Lexie, by the way, appeared recently for 5 minutes)
XX: Walking like a horse
XXX: There is no time
yyy: we all weep (( gesture some... there, at the time, not the year of the Horse is over?)
xxx: by the way) by my horse and finished))
It was the year of the sheep (the year of the horse was 2014).
Here are the sheep, 2nd year like horses.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №123691
 29.01.2016
I was walking in the corridor of the office, looking, the door to the server room is opened (usually in the castle) and there is no one inside. He looked around, admired the flashing stands, and went to admin.
I go in and ask: "Lesha, and in the server room always smells like burnt?"
You would see his eyes! O_O

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №123690
 29.01.2016
on a dating site. The young man offers intimate relationships.
I: And many girls agree to such proposals?
Young man: many agree, but not all in my taste and interesting.
I: Why do you offer them if they are not in your taste and are not interesting?

Description of Freud.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123689
 29.01.2016
Anton: here I complained that not everyone commented on their code... better code without comments than with such: una variavel para armazenar os chunks que estao ativos naquele momento
and the names of functions and variables in spirit: folhagem, mundoz, posisarvores, etc.
Tagged: ahahahahahahah
Anton: Here is the real fucking leg breaking in these sorties. It looks like a code code, but because of such names you have zero understanding)))
Lera: Well clearly, for you, it's like calling functions just a random set of letters X)))
Anton: but the most stupid thing is that I read the code, and the inner voice is not just reading, but with a characteristic accent and emotional emphasis)))) I can't get rid of it directly)))
Anton: it’s terrible)) I can’t read the code properly)) left to start typically gesturing with my hands and reading out loud with such an accent, and it will seem like I’m quarrelling in Spanish or what language it is)))
Anton: That’s why I try to give meaningful English nimes to my variables. And then the same stuff will be))) there will be some bourgeois entangled in my UnichtozhenieBloka, SozdanieMira, etc.)))
Lera: Dada X) a Spanish such will be sad to his wife to write, say, this Russian udd could not give normal names to functions, I am here now sitting and reading, and most importantly, with a characteristic accent, and the hands to swallow at all do not want to X))))

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №123688
 29.01.2016
Played in Heroes 3, I go to the kitchen to drink water, I see a mum there, I stand (as long as it looks like).

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №123687
 29.01.2016
When the former school girl unattainable to you on the evening of the meeting of graduates after 30 years of separation suddenly agrees to intimacy, it is like if your father gave you a "penny" when you long ago ride a "Mercedes".

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №123686
 29.01.2016
Not what you say, but in a mask fun sitting at work - every second visitor is scratching. )))
And ischo can be a goat mouth to do the ipanuite customers )))))

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123685
 29.01.2016
I heard a statement from a friend: "And who has no money for an apartment in the center, he just doesn’t want to work!". Somehow I don’t even want to remind him that he himself lives half an hour’s walk from the final metro station and with his parents, he’s so offensive!

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