The wife goes to bed, dresses up and with an irritated voice says:
I am angry with those cowards. Wear it on your head!

There is no safe sex. Even a rubber mum can break up at the most inappropriate moment and leave you a rabbit for a lifetime.

I have a 4 year old son. I go to kindergarten with pleasure. Therefore, every evening on the way from the kindergarten to the house, the baby with joy and in colors tells us what adventures were on that day in the kindergarten, what they did, what they ate, etc. One day we go, and the little one is mostly silent, so thoughtful, you can even say sad. When asked what happened, he replied, "Well, with Masha had a quarrel, she is not friends with me now."

I reassure, “Well, don’t worry, you’re going to be friends with another girl.”

The surprising expression of the son’s face: “Is it possible?”

I stood cleaning the car from the snow, suddenly from behind, “Uncle, and Uncle!” I turn around - there are two boys of thirteen years old, one with a plastic blade, the other with some brushes, swabs.

I say, I have to. I thought to smoke, I asked, I was rushing to shoot cigarettes.

"A hundred rubles and we will clean your car in five minutes."

So why not? Clean it, I say. I stand watching. One with the speed of a crazy flea scattered the snow with a spade, the second axial fan scratches with brushes, then the glasses were scratched from the ice, the clusters were cut off from the ice and even the sprayers were cleaned!

I gave the guys two hundred rubles (they really cleaned the car perfectly) and I ask:

What if I didn’t pay?

“Well, we know where you park and we go here every morning. How little scratch can be formed.

Standing and cleverly licking, helmet, and I’m with him frankly roaring in the voice!))

As it turned out, they clean their cars every morning on the way to school and get from 600 to 3000 rubles in a couple of hours. They say, especially use their services "tits in jeeps", even regular customers are there.

Schoolchildren are making money in the crisis, Karl! Three thousand for Karl.

Code I walk down the street and see "classics" - I definitely have to jump through them!

Lenin, 42 years old

From the forum:

What is the smallest shit you’ve ever done to a man?

“He was corresponding with a bitch, so I kept his mother’s number under her name. He sent his mother a photo of his member.

Record records in Formula 1
The only pilot who
Leading all Formula Grand Prix
1 in which participated - Marcus
and Winkelhock. Because of the rain.
6 rounds at the Grand Prix
In 2007, it was
Formula 1 Grand Prix, B
which he participated in.

The grandmother's cat loves dry food, although it kills, but it doesn't always eat it, and sometimes leaves the whole bowl almost untouched. And not only that the food itself is dry, it becomes even drier and loses its smell, as a result, it is no longer wanted.



I was then 8 years old, and in connection with the move lived with my grandmother, once again, when she wanted to put everything out, because the cat would not eat anymore, I took a new package, and demonstrately put one piece new with the cat, although I think it is purely in the smell.



The plate was clever. My uncle’s dog also.

I work in a large successful company, not in the smallest position. I have been working for a long time and productively. In general, without praise, I am in my place. There are 37 subordinates. Broke the stereotype of the “chief of goats.” With the whole team excellent relationships, always for them the mountain, I help in everything and they respond to me with the same. At one point, the director told me that because of the current situation in the foreign exchange market, he wanted to cut the salary to my department. Cutting is not chilled. I am in shock, because we do so much work that it would be good to improve. I told him I would get rid of him if he cut off my guys. He was silent. I returned and told the collective. The next day I made a statement to the director. He nodded and showed me 37 statements from my entire department. My heart is shaken by the devotion they have to me.



Do you think you broke up and didn’t cut your salary? X and Y. I let them all go to E.E.A. I wrote at the beginning that I work in a good company. I worked, I worked...

Probably everyone has seen the ads at the entrances: "Computer master. It is cheap. I live in your area. Blah Blah Blah Blah..."
I was always surprised for a moment. I often see such ads written by hand. What kind of computer master are you if you can’t print an ad on a printer?
People think about it. I would not invite such a "master".

A girl from the bank called and very persistently offered insurance of the credit card from the type of theft and other things. On the map, the limit is selected to zero. I told her that the worst thing a hijacker can do with my card today is to pay a monthly payment.

From the explanation of the algorithm in the selected furnace of one of my students:" In order to arrange the function of rejection, you have to fuck a bit and I will teach you this."

I resigned, moved to a new place of work, in the old conducted the state procurement of our institution. Should it be said that the calls about and without borrowed at the end. The apotheosis was the call of a former colleague, who was instructed to deal with the state order, and he understands this like a pig in a perfume store:
- Hi, I have a question to you, and in order to engage in state procurement you need only the law "number forty-four ef three know?" (Law 44-FZ on state procurement).
I wandered a little from the stupidity of the question: a man with a diploma from one of the top universities of our vast one asks such a question, did he live up to 25 years and not learn to read the names of the laws. In response I give:
- Not only, you also need to know "ef 16" and "ef 22", and that is at least!
- Yes, a lot will need to be studied, well thank you, I'll probably start with "ef 22", the number is bigger, it's more difficult, probably.
“Yes, gritty granite of science, good luck in the new professional field.

We have graduates and professionals in this country. Wherever you spit.

On the Hubble article "Google Maps will decide where you will go":
Google is improving the Google Maps app so that it doesn’t need to enter the starting and end point of the route to predict the direction.
First comment: I already see the final solution: you get into Google Car, you press the “I’m lucky” button...

xxx: My husband, as I have now, has the name "King". We think about the child, if there is a girl, then watched the excellent old name "Had".

ууу: I see a teacher in school - "children, meet the new one, this is the King of Hell!"

Elena: Give the builders a project, they built-built and finally built. The employer arrives. In the soil a cylindrical pit of 15 meters in depth is excavated. There is a lighting on the bottom. The customer turns the drawing 180 degrees and says, “Everything is fine, but according to the project, there should be a MAJAK here.”
Dmitry: My goddesses )))))
Elena: a little like a story from the lives of programmers
Dmitry: Only a programmer can then decide that it will be easier to make all the ships underground than to rework the beacon.

At any job there must be a aunt (sometimes several) who are actively engaged in the farm on their own initiative: the flowers are bred and watered (sometimes unsuccessfully), instead of work they are sprayed, watering all around, including the technique, on remarks rotting. Quite often, they wipe out dust, and demonstratively, and immediately after the cleaner (a wet odoring cloth on the monitor, straight off as needed), unfreeze the refrigerator (although the cleaner has already done this) and drain it as if kilograms of dirt were poured on it. After which they cannot and do not want to work, they are tired, sit, drink tea and complain about fatigue and lack of assistants, trying to create a sense of guilt.
This is fucking you.
I have my own method of fighting with such inclination: I look at this labor landing and ask
You apparently have no work?
If it does not help. I say that there is a direct dependence that if a aunt cleans very carefully at work, then at home she has shit and sickle.

I watched my children’s photos from the New Year’s Eve. All such dresses, all kings and queens. And the cock...

In every open space there is a person who is sitting in the corner all day without removing headphones, contacting no one and it is not very clear what he is doing here. Our name is Maxim, about the fact that he is in contact with reality in general, I personally learned a month after two joint work: he accidentally hit me with the elbow and said, "Sorry" (before that I didn't know at all that he could speak, I'm not joking).

The headquarters changed, they began to monitor how what works for the preparation of some personnel transformations, the question arose, what Maxim does and to whom he submits. It turned out that he was responsible for the direction that closed a couple of years ago. All were dismissed for some reason, and this was formally transferred to another department, but the management of that department was somehow not used to giving him tasks. The man received a salary (little, but still) and engaged in his affairs - read a lot of books, began to write his own, reworked a ton of outsiders.

After he was still loaded with work, Maxim resigned a month later, saying that he had seen in the grave for such money to work!

Ivan: Welcome :) Can I ask you? Are you interested in the questions of spiritual development, the energy centers in our bodies, the subconscious, the superpowers that melt within each and that have long been lost? Do you receive such questions?
Are you talking about cannabis?