Old age is when a vessel in the eye breaks during sex.
Zert: Because you look into the lock well.

from youthub, the author of the video in his apartment makes handles for knives)

Are you doing this on the balcony? And the neighbors? You will not envy them.
Why are you not jealous? They drink and enjoy life.
Q: Do you think they are happy? Preferably the last one.)
WOW: I think they are happy. In front of me, it happens, my grandmother is fucking, she will stand so that soon I will become impotent from these stones, as I imagine this scene. And what I am sitting on the lodge is hardly heard.

From the discussion of three girls of their cats:
Q: Do you have a cat in your shoes?
No, she just pulls a gun on them. Why put her in what she is licking?
Okay, she’s licking the ass.
Zzzz: She’s not in the ass!

X: In addition to causing pain, how can you shut a person’s mouth?
Tagged: indifference, banana

At the end of 2015, the All-Russian Association of Criminals adopted a new member. His name is not posted. Only hinted that in the composition of the nickname there is a sign "percent".

And they took it for the brilliantly conducted operation on the alleged creation of a new fast food network.

If I knew today was January 4th, I’t go to work.

I go out of the store and meet two guys. As I get closer, I realize that one of them wants to hold me by the shoulder. I am not a coward, I am not going away. They got stuck, and immediately followed: are you that wide?

I: Yes and what?

The guy: and nothing! Cold kids, let’s go next time brother.

So they separated.

On January 1, the man went into the elevator. So he pretended he was stuck there. He presses the “Challenge Manager” button, and from there a tired woman’s voice:



What do you need?



A strange question for the manager, right? But that’s not all!)



The man says, “I’m stuck in the elevator. And here is a phrase that breaks the brain:



There are two elevators in this house, use the second one.



After that, the dispatcher did not respond, and the man had to call the Emergency Service.

A little girl is always surprised where her dad goes when Santa comes. After the fight of curants and receiving gifts, she follows Santa in the hope of embodying her father in the first incarnation of Santa. But instead of removing her beard and fake nose, Santa begins to wear her father’s human skin.

On January 4, a strike of burunduk, hamsters and other small rodents broke out in the forests of Russia.
They already refuse so often to replace the protein on calls from settlements.

The hero-saviour did not like to remember why he pulled a drowning bald nudist.

Russian Museum in Minneapolis, Facebook page, comments under the poster of the lecture on intercultural cooperation.

Q: What do Russian artists think about the invasion of Russian troops into Ukraine?
Russian artists don’t think about politics. They think about art. If you have a desire to think about art, come to a lecture. If you only have the desire to think about politics, you can do this in the vast territory of the United States, located outside the Russian museum.

January 4, 2016 Press release of Hell.
“We are tired of painting our employees in green and paying them for a trip. To send to the especially distinguished New Year's holiday. Please do not celebrate with such zeal!

Yesterday was obviously an interesting day – I slept all day.
Yyy: Yesterday was obviously an interesting night – the moon was full, beautiful.
Zzz: Yesterday was obviously an interesting evening – it was an interesting meeting.
Vvv: Today was a clearly interesting morning – I met a logic, a poet and a sociologist in one chat. ^D

xxx: A tablet is a toy, there is no need for a keyboard, except to watch porn
zzz: I’ve already broken my whole brain – why a keyboard for porn?? to

8mia: We had a keyboard that can be folded into a pipe.
Her cat ate, and then bled with the buttons.
It will not lead to good technology.

The answers *

Q: What do guys think about love by 30?
M: They think that love is hidden from the girl under the shirt, and are upset when again they do not find her there, and go to the next girl.

Culinary website before the NH:

xxx: Beautiful)))I imagine how delicious ))Sadly I can’t try :’( ++++++++++++++
Yyy (author of the recipe): Why?? to
I don’t have any cheese 😉
Yyy: There is no sausage? 😉 Where is this desert?
xxx: France))))))))))

From the Hubble, from the article discussion that Mark Zuckerberg wants home artificial intelligence like Jarvis of the "Iron Man":

XXX: Why not? In my opinion, it’s much more convenient to say “Jarvis, include the latest album of the % group%” or “Jarvis, reduce the brightness of the wall lamps by 30%”, Being anywhere in the apartment/house.

Yyy: And Jarvis is like, “Did you buy the group’s last album of %group% or you from VKontakte?”

I would like to thank everyone who launched the fireworks for the new year. Thank you for having extra money for my pleasure.